Christine Borden writes on sfappeal.com: This guy! Recognize him? He’s in almost every gangbang clip out there (links very NSFW). You know, you’re sitting there, desperately querying Spankwire for a gangbang clip suited to your tastes, but all you can focus on is this one dude who seems to have his batphone hooked up to every single GB casting call whispered in San Fernando Valley.

It’s like that Sesame Street song, “One of These Things.” “Three of these things are starfish. But this! Is a crab!” Except in our case the song goes: “five of these things are regular male pornstars. But this! Is a hobo-looking dude with a bandana, unkempt hair, and a long goatee that’s braided and beaded!” Which can only work for, like, one person in the entire world.

So I took to some internet sleuthing. Ladies and germs, bois and grrls, I present to you Brian Surewood. Enchantée, I’m sure.

Of course, my sleuthing took a little bit longer than most Google searches. How exactly do you identify a male pornstar who consistently shows up in clips that hinge on the almost anonymity and ubiquity of male pornstars? And on free porn-clip sites that often fail to include any information on studio, name of the title, and actors involved? It’s like finding a needle in a haystack, or rather, a name in a cockstack.

So you start with the most identifiable feature of a gangbang clip: the actress. Someone on some clip will comment “Sasha Knox! So hot” or its dirtier equivalents, and that sends you on a wild title chase of double penetration-related films on Internet Adult Film Database. Which is where I found Mr. Surewood after a lot of guess and checking (NFSW, c’mon, folks!).

The thing about Surewood is…he’s in a lot of porn. A lot of gangbang porn, yes, but mostly just a lot of porn. On IAFD, he’s got 1175 titles under his, er, belt. Let me put this into perspective. Nina Hartley? 841, including non-sex appearances. Jenna Jameson? 149. Belladonna, who ravages the selection at Good Vibes? 275. How about a male pornstar, like Lexington Steele? 787.

Proof positive that if you’re a dude in the porn industry you don’t need to look like a knockout…you just need an obedient, potent, and hard-working dick. Or perhaps it’s proof that there is an unsaid hobo/greasy biker/hippie niche in porn that Surewood fills so fully, as the many niches he’s filled before. Not that I intend to body snark. Clearly, Surewood was, um, sure wood for the porn biz. His appearance is just…unexpected in a sea of younger, clean-cut male pornstars.

But if you find yourself a sudden Surewood fan, I have good and bad news for you. Which one do you want first? OK, bad news: he is currently serving a term in prison (reports vary on the length of time) for a car accident resulting in one death and two serious injuries. Unfortunately, that means his film career is on hold. But the good news? Well, there are 1175 items of good news.

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This was the last word on Surewood who’s currently doing time on vehicular manslaughter: www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=33496