It’s been said, put another seven inches of height on Bree Olson and give her back that ass she lost to the vegan diet and you’ve got, voila, the spectacularly gorgeous Angelina Armani.

Striking Angelina also bears more than a passing resemblance to mainstream actress Aimee Teegarden who played the too-hot-for-her-own-good coach’s daughter on Friday Night Lights.

So basically what we’re saying, is, that Angelina reminds us of a lot of those pretty blond ladies whose feet, calf muscles and anuses our itchy fingers would like to come in contact with.

It’s also been said that Angelina got her big career break largely through connections with the famous designer label of the same name. If you had entertained that notion, congratulations. For you are an idiot.

Digital Playground apparently thought so, too. They signed Angelina, a reputed runway model, as a sight unseen contract girl. Angelina, of course, didn’t realize how those porno contract deals strip you of legal entitlement to your name, still, she got out of there while the gettin’ was good – on a technicality – by fibbing and telling them her name was really Angela.

That may or may not have been the actual facts of the matter. But if you believe them, tell ‘em to your grandkids around the campfire, including the one about the bitterly contested Tera Patrick litigation. Especially if they like good spooky stories. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh. Evan Seinfeld, ooooooooooooooooh.

Since we’ve broached a sensitive issue- Angelina’s Digital contract- let’s harp on it some more, shall we? If nothing else, only because it serves as Exhibit A in the court of chicken poop politics that constitutes the porn business.

When Angelina signed with the company, www.genesisonline.com eagerly broke the story then had to recant because it wasn’t the “official” one coming from Digital. Instead, it originated from an agent at Type 9 who were repping Angelina at the time. Forget the fact that they were soon let go afterward, the announcement was posted prematurely on their website and Genesis alertly picked up on it.

Then we had Mike South trying to say it was his exclusive [claiming an alleged tip from his usual snitch, Kayden Kross].

So, before you knew it, Angelina had become the Dragon Lady with porn sites waging guerrilla warfare over her story.

Eventually, the word also got out that Angelina was consort to PR guy Alex Raymond [in other words, his girlfriend]. The fact that Raymond tends to wear more eyeliner than Angelina is irrelevant. And so that scandal was good in the porn forums for more caustic rumor and over enhanced speculation.

In the relatively few short hours she was in the adult business, Angelina had now successfully garnered more publicity than the months Kross spent laboring over squirrelly mortgage deals in Sacramento.

Born November 18, that makes Angelina a Scorpio; and controversy always follows the volatile and magnetically charged ladies born under this sign.

Voltaire was a Scorpio, and you know how he was. So was Charles Bronson, and if you want to see a Scorpio pissed off, check out any Death Wish movie where dead bodies add up like quarters in a toll booth.

Born in Brooklyn, Angelina ardently followed the Dodgers until someone gently reminded her that they had moved to the west coast many years earlier. Was it a blond moment we wonder, or a shrewd calculation on Angelina’s part to negotiate a deal to Los Angeles? Whatever.

Let’s get back to that statuesque 5’10” statistic for a moment. Normally white women of that stature pursue careers in beach volleyball. However Angelina’s distinctively feminine features would rule that career option out.

The fact that she’s a fan of the horror genre and a groupie of those conventions, however, pretty much sealed the future for her.

Too pretty for porn, you might say, Angelina would try her luck as a scream queen. Except as luck would have it, her height ruled out Angelina’s being hacked to pieces in a conventional shower stall. When special props were accommodated to suit her, Angelina’s mainstream career suddenly took off.

You may have seen her in projects like Chromeskull: Laid To Rest 2.

Because the New York Times has given scant space to a review shouldn’t be taken in a negative sense.

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