I saw a story last week that I found incredibly amusing. It was covered in both AVN and XBIZ.

Again, AVN has still not reported on the Smash Pictures all condom announcement, www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=60422 but they found this worthy of coverage. It was a press release about Kimber James.

For those of you who don’t know, Kimber James is a dude. He wears makeup and has had the surgery to rid himself of his male appendage, but he’s still a dude. When Kimber still had a cock, he was preferred by the guys who like to fuck dudes with makeup because he looked the most like a chick. They could have the Kriss Angel/David Blaine illusion that they were fucking a woman.

So Kimber got his cock cut off and made into a vagina.

The press release stated: “Kimber James Makes Mainstream TV Premiere on E! Television”

At first I was like get the fuck outta here! This shemale got a television deal before me? Unbelievable. I oughta just go and slit my fucking wrists. Is it a reality show called Keeping Up With The Shemales? Illusions? Freak Kimber James is gonna have a TV show and make millions of dollars and I’m gonna be homeless on the streets with my French bulldog giving blowjobs for pocket change. It’s just too depressing.

I click on the story. You know, I must be in an alternate reality. If the PR firm of The Rub PR and 700 pound Erika Icon can angle this into a story that they think people will believe it’s a stepping stone to Hollywood stardom, I must be in an alternate reality. But I know I’m not. It’s just the incredibly delusional thinking that permeates this industry.

Listen to this. Kimber’s James big mainstream leap is on a TV show called Botched. Yes, Botched.

From AVN:

“Adult star Kimber James is making her mainstream debut on E! Television’s new reality show, Botched. Botched puts beauty and the multi-billion dollar world of plastic surgery under the microscope. In the show, two highly successful plastic surgeons, Dr. Terry Dubrow and Dr. Paul Nassif, are brought in to repair botched cosmetic procedures and restore patient’s lives.”

Terry Dubrow is the brother of the lead singer of Kevin Dubrow of Quiet Riot, who died of a cocaine overdose in 2007. He and Paul Nassif have a show where they repair botched cosmetic procedures. They repair fucked up plastic surgery that people have done in a back house in North Hollywood by some Mexican lady with surgical items acquired from Home Depot. This is the TV show that Kimber James is making her mainstream debut on. A program called Botched. Do you get this? A show about two doctors who fix fucked up plastic surgery. It’s a before and after. Look at this person before we worked on them and look at them after and look at how stupid this person was for having cosmetic surgery done at a crack house in North Hollywood.

Kimber James says:

“I’m excited for my episode to finally air so people can not only see the brand new Kimber, but also see me in my first mainstream hit TV show…”

So Kimber James is excited for everybody to see “her” in a show that’s a mainstream hit. The two surgeons are taking this creature and fixing all of the fucked up surgery “she” had before so “she” will look like a woman. So when she’s fooling people into believing that she was born a woman, they’ll believe it 5% more than they did before. Instead of fucking with the lights out and her partner saying, “Ooh, it doesn’t feel like a man’s asshole. It doesn’t feel like I’m fucking somebody’s arm…” they can actually fuck under the candlelight. They can have a little illumination for the illusion.

Kimber James is talking like she’s doing a guest spot on Modern Family. Acting as if her and Jay are gonna be taking Stella to the dog park together. That’s exactly how Kimber James is talking. That’s how delusional people in porn are.

More from Kimber:

“…This is the beginning of a new career for me, and I’ve already had interest from managers and agents—I just have to figure out which would be the best fit.”

The beginning of a new career? She’s on a show about fucked up plastic surgery and this is a start of a new career? That’s like saying Dick Delaware’s appearance on Intervention where he was addicted to crystal meth and being all fucked up and locking himself in a room and jerking off was a launching pad for the big time. Why not? Intervention is a hit show, it’s on a mainstream network and he was the star of the program. Why didn’t Dick Delaware have Erika Icon put out a press release saying that he was excited about his starring role in a hit show? This is what Kimber James and Erika Icon are trying to spin. That a role on a hit show about fucked up cosmetic surgery is a mainstream breakthrough.

Kimber James says she’s getting calls from managers and agents. Who’s calling her? Michael Bay? Steven Spielberg? Is Spielberg doing Shemale’s List? Who is calling up this thing and putting it in mainstream shows? Erika Icon and Kimber James are trying to tell everybody that being on a show where two doctors try to make her look less like a dude is a successful mainstream crossover. Make her able to fool people and not just in the dark.

When I see stuff like this, I am alternately amused, in disbelief and angered. Because it’s just another example of how delusional this business is and why it’s doomed. You wanna talk about delusional? There are actually male talent out there who work with this thing and have convinced themselves that it’s a girl. You’re fucking a guy, bro.

“No, it’s a girl. The dick is cut off. It’s a girl.”

No, it’s a guy. They took the dick and made a vagina out of it. You’re fucking dick skin. Why don’t you just go find a guy in a bar and ask him if you can fuck his ball sack? Or take an uncircumcised guy and fuck the hood of his foreskin and use his smegma as lube? That’s basically what you’re doing when you fuck a man-made pussy. You’re fucking a dick.

And that person that you’re fucking the dick of? That person is saying that they’re a mainstream star. “I was on a show called Botched and fixed my fucked up dick skin. I have officially hit the big time.”

Welcome to the delusional world of porn.

Follow Rob Black on Twitter @RealRobBlack Email: [email protected]