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Los Angeles – from www.nydailynews.com – Got a quick message here for Charlie Sheen, if he ever pauses for air.

No mas.

In case you hadn’t noticed, Sheen has spent the last three days telling every microphone in America why he’s the most misunderstood and yet the most admired and envied man on the planet.

Nominally, he’s been explaining why CBS must reinstate him as the star of “Two and a Half Men,” the sitcom whose final eight episodes this season disappeared in the wake of Charlie’s “epic and totally bitchin'” weekend of porn stars and cocaine.

He has told us at length why the cancellation is not his fault, and in the course of that explanation, he has also casually mentioned how he takes his cocaine in “seven-gram rocks.”

He says this the way most people say they take two sugars in their coffee, a nuance worth noting because it illuminates the real message of all these interviews: He’s Charlie Sheen and we’re not.

About the only thing Charlie Sheen doesn’t have is an off switch, meaning that the next time you send him a gift, you might want to skip the seven-gram rock and mail him one of those.

Now the history of popular culture and celebrity is hip-deep in screwups and lamentable behavior, from Caligula to Lindsay Lohan.

It’s hard to think of any perpetrator besides Sheen, however, whose response has been a media filibuster.

It’s as if Sheen’s strategy is to keep talking until we’re all driven to our knees, gasping a line from Bruce Springsteen’s “Sherry Darling”:

“Tell her she wins if she’ll just shut up.”

Sheen did suggest to Howard Stern Tuesday that he’s done talking for a while. Of course, he also promised ABC an exclusive interview and then speed-dialed every living host this side of Joe Franklin.

Amusing aside: During Sheen’s interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan Monday night, CNN flashed the word “Exclusive.”

Anyhow, it’s not that Sheen has no legitimate talking points. The question of who is responsible for what in the cancellation of those eight shows will get complex.

But he could say that in one press release or one five-minute interview.

All those other hours are about Charlie Sheen, and by the sixth or seventh rerun of the line about his being “Adonis” with “tiger blood,” it starts feeling like he’s trying to convince himself.

That’s never a comfortable conversation.

He does have the showbiz smarts to give every interviewer a unique tidbit or two. He’s looking for a million-dollar raise. Oh no, he was just kidding. He’s disappointed that for some odd reason none of the “Men” cast has joined this tour.

Oh no, he says Jon Cryer is on board, too.

At least all this does answer one possible ancillary question, which is why none of his targets have stepped up to argue their own case.

Old Tiger Blood is doing it for them.