Porn Valley- I get this call the other day from a “bloke” named Danny who said he was calling on behalf of Jonathan Shoham [picture].

Shoham’s the guy who runs a mainstream mobile phone operation in Europe, and Sandy Bunz of Femme Fatale Productions, claims, from a conversation they had in Berlin last year, that Shoham owes him a bunch of money for porn content. Shoham, according to Bunz, told him as much.

But other than a quick $400 which Bunz just received after some negative posts about Shoham [one was apparently taken off the NetPond site minutes after Bunz posted] the bill’s never been totally squared away.

Bunz claims Danny, a very Cockney-sounding bloke, and Shoham are one and the same guy. Danny, who said he was just good friends of Shoham, kept calling me ‘mate.’

“I’m just calling about the Sandy Bunz thing you’ve got on the site. I just want to fill you in on a few bits and pieces, mate.”

I asked Danny about the money, supposedly outstanding, and he tells me Shoham has been advised not to post in adult forums by his solicitors.

“Basically they told him not to get into anything like that,” says Danny informing me that Bunz had been banned from NetPond last week.

“People slacked him off,” says Danny. “They thought he was an idiot after I posted the truth, yeah. Now he’s been banned.” Danny explains that he, himself, used to work at NetPond for years.

From the conversation, you gather real quickly that for just being a “friend,” Danny seems to know an awful lot about this Bunz situation. Not having followed the threads on NetPond, I tell Danny I’m unaware of them, and he takes a personal swipe, “NetPond’s got a lot more traffic than you, mate.”

Convinced at this point Danny was a bit of a patronizing asshole, I let him have his say with the full intention that I was going to relay this exchange although he didn’t want me to.

“Cutting to the nuts and the bolts of it all, the guy [Shoham] has been trying to pay Sandy for ages,” insists Danny. “Jonathan’s company deals with a lot of big companies, a lot bigger than Sandy. A lot of very big companies all of which get paid on time. Because everybody else knows how to submit an invoice.”

[Apparently the strategy, here, is to make you look stupid and little.]

I told Danny I had this very conversation with Bunz who wanted to know how he could submit an invoice for a certain amount when he’s never been told on paper how much to submit the invoice for. Danny began talking in circles.

“You sign a contract- he signed a contract,” continues Danny who was yammering about some store in Spain.

“You put your company name on the invoice- he doesn’t do that,” Danny continues. “He puts his personal name. I phoned him [Bunz] up and tried to explain to him what to do to get paid. He kept putting the phone down like a child. In the end I said I can’t be bothered to deal with a fucking mug like you. I put the phone down myself. I tried to help him, mate.”

Again, the question begs, if “Danny” is just a friend, what is he doing making invoice-related phone calls?

“I even wrote an invoice for him, and gave it to Jonathan,” Danny continues. “He [Bunz] sends another invoice, no numbers on it.”

I told “Danny” the question still begs how would Bunz know what to invoice unless he got a report from the company, such as the kind VOD companies submit.

“If he bothered to listen to people on the phone, on e-mails he would know what to do,” replies Danny who swears this has been done “lots of times” on Bunz’s behalf.

“I phoned him up trying to help him last week when he posted all this stuff. He kept putting the phone down on me. In fact Jonathan was trying to pay him. He [Bunz] sent an invoice in dollars and it’s Euros. And Euros are worth a lot more than dollars, so, in fact, he [Shoham] was trying to pay him more money. He has paid some money but none of the stuff corresponds, the bloke’s a fucking idiot. He’s [Bunz] the fucking biggest mug I’ve ever met in my life.”

According to Danny, Bunz kept sending invoices directly to Shoham, not the company, which was the problem.

“Put an invoice number in and the amount,” Danny continues. “You put the amount in Euros and a rough exchange in dollars. But he’s a fucking nob. I’m just telling you, Jonathan’s a good bloke. I’ve been working with him for years and he’s always paid me. Every month but I know how to submit an invoice properly, and I know how to listen to people. All he’s [Bunz] done, right, is cut off his nose to spite his face and create the bigger problem. He’s going to get sued to the bollocks, right, because he’s put all this out in the public eye.”

[I think Danny should state a precedent that would disallow public discussion about money owed someone.]

“Jonathan has never done anything wrong, and there’s big companies that can vouch for him,” Danny goes on to say. “Tera Patrick makes money off of him every month. Diablo Productions, massive labels on the DVD charts all make money off him every month. Sandy Bunz was given a shot. He’s a fucking nobody who pretends he’s second-rate bollocks porn. He even sticks his hand out about getting arrested, that’s how clever he is.”

“If he produces such pieces of crap then why was a deal done with him?” I ask Danny who doesn’t answer directly other than to repeat how people have been trying to pay Bunz for months.

“All he’s got to do is submit a correct invoice with the payment terms- in Euros- to the company and not to a person, an individual,” Danny adds. “The bank account information that he put for the invoice to be paid, doesn’t even work. The money bounces back.”

[Then again, somehow the $400 made it through, but Danny never really explains satisfactorily how that was managed with all of Bunz’s nobbery.]

“Jonathan wouldn’t know how to be dodgy if he tried,” insists Danny. “He’s too straight. It upsets me to see good people get tarnished with a brush. Sandy’s an idiot. I can’t wait to meet him in person so I can fucking tell him myself.”

Danny says because Shoham’s running an international business, he has to work in Euros and not dollars and that Bunz doesn’t know how to run a company.

“My son is six and would have a better understanding of how to send an invoice, I’m sure.”