Porn Valley- Hear that sound? It's the ADD train rolling into the station. All aboarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.
The caboose was definitely off the tracks at KSEX on a cold, rainy Monday night when Wankus hosted Mary Carey and Kendra Jade.
Forget the cold, rubbing Carey and Jade together would be enough to keep the porn gossip fire place going for a week. Such as it was, Wankus only had about 40 minutes to warm the room with Jade and Carey running late. But that was more than enough.
Before their appearance on the show, Wankus already had sufficient fodder for the "trades" with the telling of another one of his Homeland Security airport stories plus the fact that he called Harry Weiss and basically told Weiss to wipe his ass with a Cytherea invoice. Weiss, who reps Cytherea, was billing Wankus for Cytherea's appearance in Thar She Blows, and Wankus explained that he discovered Cytherea and Weiss can take his assumptions about a fee from there.
Jade then took it the rest of the way with her first appearance on KSEX since her own Friday night gig got cancelled. Jade immediately announced that her pants were wet because it was raining outside and Wankus asked what do you expect- "They're 15 feet longer than what they're supposed to be." Jade says she's 5'1" and they don't make pants for someone like her. Wankus suggested maybe she dress in the teen shop.
"But those girls don't have hips and asses," Jade informed him.
"Modern day girls do," Wankus informed her.
Jade immediately announced that she had to leave, and Wankus is going what the fuck, she just got there.
"I'm just telling you in advance," said Jade putting the onus probably on Carey who was waiting to come on. Wankus heard there was additional drama for Jade.
"My life is a consistent barrage of drama," Jade agreed. Wankus said, true, judging by her former KSEX show.
"I want to come back and do it again if you'll let me," said Jade. To which Wankus commented that he'd like to make sure that she'll show up the next time.
"Just in case I were to have a show, I'd probably show," Jade assured him. Wankus took that to mean she didn't have distracting males in her life. But the look on Jade's face told otherwise.
Jade was talking in such a distracted way that Wankus asked if she had stopped by Cytherea's house.
Wankus then asked Jade about the Star story in which it was implied she had fucked Kevin Federline, Britney Spears' husband. Jade shrugged it off claiming she didn't have sexual relations with him.
"I didn't do it," she swore.
Jade claims they were flirting and they talked. But there was nothing else.
"Why are you protecting that ugly, fucking bitch?" Wankus asked about Spears. Jade said she wasn't, while having a side conversation with co-host Michelle Lay about Jessica Jaymes and Nick Lachey. Jade then changed the subject to the fact that she met some super cute guy who wasn't falling for her charms.
"He doesn't like me- it makes me sad," said Jade. "He doesn't want to be in love with me. I want him to be in love with me." Wankus took that to mean that this guy was cringing at the prospect of being accomplice to massive Jade shopping sprees.
Getting back to her earlier drama, Jade said she had a fight with her roommate- Cassidy- who used to be with Vivid. Jade announced that she punched out Cassidy.
"Like about a hundred times," said Jade.
"So you mutilated her," Wankus clarified.
"She wouldn't pick up the dog shit on the floor," Jade explained. Wankus wondered if Cassidy pressed charges. Jade said no that they weren't cop-callers but that Cassidy's dog would shit all over the floors of the place.
"It's so annoying- my dogs are house trained." Jade told the story in which Cassidy announced that she bought a house.
"You didn't see a picture of it? I have to show you."
According to Jade, Cassidy then made a glib announcement that the dog pissed in Jade's sister's bed.
"And my sister's away- she's back home," said Jade who asked Cassidy if she'd take all the linen off the bed and throw it downstairs in the laundry room so Jade could wash it. Cassidy told her, yeah.
"Then twenty minutes later she's sitting on the couch chilling with homeboy who stayed the night," Jade continued.
"Do we know homeboy?" Wankus asked.
"I'm sure somebody will open their big mouth about it but not me," Jade replied. While Cassidy was "chillin'" on the couch, Jade noticed a pile of dog shit sitting in front of her. Jade then asked Cassidy if she attended to her sister's linens and Cassidy told her she'd get to it.
"Like you're sitting in front of dog shit and you can't just get some paper towels and pick it up?" Jade asked her.
"She's, like, fuck you," said Jade. According to Jade, Cassidy then got up and walked into the kitchen. Jade, following her, asked if she'd care to repeat it.
"Man, fuck that," Cassidy replied. Jade said, okay. Then she was ready to walk away when Cassidy called her a bitch.
"Say it one more time, please, right now so I can knock you out," Jade told her.
"Say it one more time- she looked me dead in the eye, she goes fuck you bitch," said Jade. Asked if she hit Cassidy in the face, Jade said "many times."
"Somebody else is going to probably tell you the whole story," said Jade who then kicked Cassidy out of the house.
"I told her she had to get out."
Jade then recalled the last time she was at KSEX and how she and Wankus had words.
"You made me storm out of here- we fought," remembered Jade.
"You cried," Wankus recalled.
"We fought- you called me the c-word," Jade responded. "He said it to me, bitch, whore, slut- I can deal with it in a loving kind of way like that. But if somebody looked at me and straight up, was, bitch..."
Wankus explained that Jade had challenged him and you have to be able to go toe-to-toe.
