from the sptimes.com: Tampa Bay- I’ve covered lavish Super Bowl bashes and star-studded charity events here in Tampa Bay. But I’d never worked the red carpet at an adult film awards show.

That all changed Sunday, when Tampa’s NightMoves magazine hosted its 14th annual NightMoves Adult Entertainment Awards.

Porn stars like Ron Jeremy and Jesse Jane would be there. Pirates, a blockbuster porno filmed partly in St. Pete, would be honored. And I would be stationed outside.

So without further ado – and provided we can all avoid snickering at phrases like “working the red carpet” – here’s my minute-by-minute recap of the preshow goodness.

6:17 p.m. I arrive at Bricktown 54, a club with blacked-out windows in a nondescript strip mall off McMullen-Booth Road in Clearwater. It’s between a Pak Mail and a Rent-A-Center. Nearby is a Publix, a Bealls and a Washington Mutual. Pity those poor families that picked this night to have dinner at Beef O’Brady’s.

6:23 As workers stuff DVDs into swag bags, I check in with NightMoves founder Paul Allen, whose tux vest and bow tie are festooned with green parrots. “The people of Tampa Bay don’t realize what they’ve got here,” he says. “Other cities would go crazy to have this. Other cities, people would be lined up overnight to be in this door.”

6:29 I notice an in-house videographer capturing the red carpet scene. I’m sure I’ll somehow end up on it. Does this mean I’ve technically made my adult film debut?

6:40 A horde of young women, mostly blond, disembark from two giant charter buses. Most of them are tattooed, and they immediately light up cigarettes.

6:43 A bearded man in a cowboy hat leans my way and points at one of the 10 or so cameramen near me. “I don’t know that it means anything to you, but that photographer over there is from Cheri and Playgirl magazines.” Does this mean anything to me? I honestly can’t say.

6:45 The bearded man introduces himself as “Charlie Three-Finger.” “Here’s my identification,” he says, holding up his right hand, which is missing a pinky. I could point out that counting his thumb, he actually has four fingers. But if I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s to never argue with a man named Charlie Three-Finger.

6:46 One by one, female porn stars cross the red carpet for a quickie interview with radio personality Tony Batman. The starlets then pose for the cameras while Tony steps aside and pats his forehead with a tissue. It’s hot out here.

6:55 “And the stars just keep rolling by!” Tony says. Delilah Strong. Whitney Wonders. Liv Wylder. Jada Fire. Sadly, I don’t see Buck Swope or Chest Rockwell.

7:03 Off to the side, a woman lifts her skirt for a cameraman, and she’s wearing nothing, with a capital N-O, underneath. I am told her name is Flower Tucci, pronounced “Tushie.”

7:06 Guy wearing a T-shirt that says “Bare Assets” at 10 o’clock. Repeat: “Bare Assets,” 10 o’clock.

7:29 We’re startled by some kid who drives by honking the train horn in his Jeep Wrangler. “How cool can you be?” a guy near me scoffs. You tell him, Dude Scoping Out Porn Stars at a Strip Mall.

7:32 I snag some face time with Jeremy, who’s co-hosting tonight’s show. He manages to plug three movies, a book and two TV shows – including an all-star Surreal Life with Vanilla Ice, Verne Troyer and Brigitte Nielsen – in less than two minutes. Unbelievable. The man is a human plug machine.

7:33 Did I just call Ron Jeremy a “human plug machine”?

7:35 Dennis Hof from HBO’s voyeuristic series Cathouse says he and the gals from the Moonlite Bunny Ranch are filming – get this – a musical. “They brought in a whole musical team from London,” he says. “All the girls are taking voice lessons, and I’m taking voice lessons.”

7:41 Stormy Daniels, who in addition to writing and directing adult films also appeared in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, might be the friendliest porn star I’ve ever met. “Florida is the best,” she says. “My favorite restaurant in the whole world is here in Tampa: Bern’s.” She was also planning to hit Busch Gardens. So if you saw a tall blond in SoHo or in line for SheiKra on Monday, it might have been Stormy. If you missed her, she’ll be dancing at Oz in Clearwater on Thanksgiving weekend.

7:45 I call it a night, as the red carpet is rolled up and Stormy heads inside with the rest of the porn stars. For them, the night is young.