FROM http://blogs.creativeloafing.com – First, Twilight fans were given The Vamp, a pale, sparkly dildo which, according to the website, retains temperature so you can “toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.”

Naturally, the next step was to turn the teenage melodrama into a porno flick. Given the abundance of XXX parodies released this year, it’s hardly surprising that the insanely popular vampire love story had a go.

This Isn’t Twilight: The XXX Parody was released this weekend. Since a 48-hour digital rental at AEBN.net is only $7.95, a couple girlfriends and I decided to give it a try. It would be good for a laugh, if nothing else.

I was surprised and pleased to find that Jenna Haze, 2009 AVN Female Performer of the Year, played the role of Bella. She obviously knows how to sex it up and couldn’t possibly be a worse actress than Kristen Stewart.

Luckily, all the “I can’t live without you” crap takes up only a few minutes of the film. Bella’s shirt is off within the first five minutes and Edward, played by Chris Johnson, drives his cold, hard stake into her before you know it.

The film is basically 10% Twilight droll, 90% good ol’ fang banging. Despite the occasional “Oh, you’re so cold” movie moment, it’s mostly just your average, mediocre porno. Yet a sequel is already in the works. The New Moon parody is expected to be released in January.

Though barely wank-worthy,the Twilight parody did make a great excuse to make margaritas and have a giggle with the girls. We’re planning to do it again when the True Blood and Buffy XXX parodies are released. After all, nothing can make a porno even cheesier than vampire references. That’s a fact.