Porn Valley- Rick Davis may have been directing a movie titled Anal Freeway, but Davis was serving a lot of beef on the off ramp. At a time in the morning when makeup artists are just dragging their asses in, Davis, who generally doesn’t use makeup artists, was already near to completion on the first scene.

Muscle guys Dick Delaware and John West were having their way with the slenderish Daisy. Or maybe Daisy was having their way with them, who knows. Daisy is pretty ferocious and defies the UFC fighting machine, Delaware, to give her his best shot. Delaware’s calling Daisy is little chola, over and over again.

“My God this is good pussy!” Delaware yells out.

Delaware, who’s next UFC fight is with Richard Montoya, has dropped a couple of pounds since I last saw him; but he and West could easily be union goons if they weren’t porn performers. And this might just well be Daisy’s best union bust to date. Davis’ style is free, casual and relaxed. That is until Davis suspects that boxcover girl Jadelyn Santana might not show. Then it’s oxygen tent city for Rick who’s dialing every number in the SBC universe to determine where Santana is.

Davis keeps saying this is so uncharacteristic of him not having Santana’s contact information in his hand. And I imagine it is because Rick runs one of the smoothest sets around. Santana arrives about ten minutes later, and Davis, his sigh of relief very obvious, is practically on his knees promising God he’ll be an even better, more organized director than before. Santana who’s been in the business about two months is from New York, and we have a brief chat before she does her pretty girls.

Like myself, Rick is a Philly boy and he tells me this story about how he used to make booze runs to Feasterville with a phony ID his mom helped him doctor up. Another time, thanks again to alcohol, Rick puked on one of his tenth grade teachers at Northeast High. Cheyne Collins is saying how got pulled over one time and his wife Chenin Blanc puked on the cop. Davis is asking if handcuffs were involved in that incident. Collins is saying, oddly no, because Chenin wasn’t driving.

Cindy Crawford’s also on the set today and she’s working anally with Collins. Collins, no slouch in the thick chest department, is telling me that Blanc plans a farewell tour of the industry starting early next year. Collins and Blanc have been together 20 years and were high school sweethearts.

If nothing else, I’m seeing Crawford more than my old high school sweetheart. Crawford’s seeing the humor in this and imagines I must have this vast cache of provocative Cindy pix by now. Must be once or twice a week, now, that I’m running into Cindy, but I’ve yet to witness anything close to a psychotic disturbance or abnormality. Crawford really had her shit together in her Defiance/Torrid directorial debut last week and the same could be said for her butt fucking in a pile of hay this morning. Davis feels that he’s getting some awesome positions from Collins and Crawford.

For her Cherry Boxxx debut, Santana’s in a threeway with Anthony Hardwood and Grant Michaels, two more cuts of prime porn beef. The set up calls for Michaels calling a Bachelor party service to cater Hardwood who’s getting married. Hardwood’s a machine. He was a machine when I saw him Monday on a Defiance set, and no one apparently shut the engine off.

“Anthony never has a bad day,” Michaels tells me. Michaels then enters frame to join the party, and the first thing Santana tells him is, “Get your dick hard!” It’s the type of demand that generally has the opposite effect. Michaels says something to Davis and walks off the set.

“Vats he doink?” Hardwood asks.

“Grant’s taking a leak,” explains Davis. I don’t know what Davis is saying to Dale Jordan, but there’s a lot of whispering and Helen Keller sign language.

Back on the set, Michaels is squatting on his huge quads. He’s playing with his balls. Lube-balls-lube-balls-lube-balls. Michaels’s thick back muscles strut and ripple. Lube-balls-lube-balls. I’m dying to see the outcome of this, but Dr. X also motions to me in Helen Keller language. I walk into the lobby and there’s Midori. Midori starts telling me about Kid and Rock and some knucklehead she wound up marrying who auctioned off all her earthly possessions for $600.

I’m so engrossed I never see the finish to the Santana scene.