Porn Valley- At one point during her KSEX visit this past Wednesday afternoon, Audrey Hollander notices that the new studio couches don’t have any holes as opposed to, presumably, the old ones at the Burbank studios which had been punctured with countless sets of stiletto heels.
But the only thing that got punched on Hollander’s visit this time was Otto Bauer’s ticket, as Otto and Audrey spent the better part of their interview fielding questions during the throes of coitus. And neither missed a beat which made this stunt that more amazing.
Prior to their introduction, co-host Lynn LeMay was talking about how she had seen Audrey and Otto perform during the shooting of eXXXtra, eXXXtra. [Hollander plays a character modeled on Lindsay Lohan.]
It was LeMay’s impression that a beer bottle went up Audrey’s vagina. LeMay thought such a stunt could suck your uterus out by the creation of air bubbles when an attempt is made to withdraw the bottle [presuming the cap’s off]. I ask LeMay if she’s ever tried it.
“I’ve never been a beer bottle kind of girl,” she replies, wincing.
According to LeMay, the harshest personal act she could remember was back in the day when women tended to wear their nails extremely long, Dragon Lady-style. All of which made four-finger insertions in the vagina quite the adventure. LeMay, herself, adopted the fashion of wearing her nails to exaggerated lengths while having them studded.
“But I’ve never had a bad experience,” she adds.
Bauer and Hollander have been together eight years after meeting one fateful night in South Beach. I thank Otto for working his day around the KSEX interview- he had an earlier shoot with John Leslie and made sure he was up first in order to make it on time.
“It was a commitment I took very seriously,” Otto comments.
Noting that he was drinking “Cappuccino,” [but you might presume otherwise because for all the world it smelled like Guinness], Otto observed the unwritten college rule that if you study for an exam loaded, you have to take the exam loaded. I asked him if he ever had the classic dream of waking up in a sweat because you hadn’t studied for finals. He says he’s had variations on the theme and got through school pretty much on pot and beer.
Extending a clarification, Audrey also wanted to make it abundantly clear that her vagina hadn’t been sucked out during the scene LeMay was referring to earlier.
“Audrey has an iron clad uterus,” Otto laughs.
“I think the beer bottle was in my ass,” states Hollander.
“I think it would be difficult to suck out your uterus through your ass,” I add.
“My uterus is fine and my ass is fine,” reports Hollander. “I exercise them every day.”
Audrey explained how she’ll stick things up her ass for shits and giggle and tends to walk around the house with a five pound butt plug stuck where the sun don’t shine. I compare Audrey’s approach to the zen of anal in the way Tiger Woods practices on a driving range.
I go on to describe how, though I first met Otto and Audrey on a Skeeter Kerkove shoot, that I got the true feeling for their dementia when they did the Otto and Audrey Destroy the World series for Wildlife. Audrey was hoping her fans didn’t get the idea she was mean and maniacal, that she was simply caught up in the moment.
“Audrey and I are dream weavers to girls who call people like myself, Skeeter and Jim Powers,” Otto explains, illustrating with a story about how some new girl, on the recommendation of Nacho Vidal had e-mailed him for a try out.
I suggest to Otto that if it was an e-mail, it might have been some Nigerian money scam.
Otto didn’t think so stating that he always hears from the crazy girls.
“I never have to put out an ad.”
I point out to the audience that it’s the loonies who generally seek the porn industry out and not the other way around. Nevertheless, Audrey extends credit to all the women who appeared in the Destroy the World series, particularly Selena Silver.
On that shoot, I set a personal pissing record because of the Guinness.
“Did you pee on me?” asks Hollander. Otto tells her that what I was really doing was squirting.
“It’s male ejaculate,” he explains, announcing that it was Skeeter who was the first to film a scene with a male performer squirting.
“In fact, I need to ejaculate right now,” comments Otto squirming in his seat. “But I’ve got to wait.”
In her catalogue of craziness, Hollander’s asked about the one scene that stands out in her mind. She says it has to be the time Otto shot the first movie for his own company, Supercore.
It’s called Live and Loaded in Switzerland. Hollander thought the scene was very intense and that it occurred on a stage before a live audience. She was fisted anally and vaginally by Angelique Moreau but doesn’t know whatever happened to her.
“She went on to star in her own film The Isle of Dr. Moreau,” I inform Hollander.
“Were there any yodelers in the audience?” I also ask Audrey who repeated the same feat later on in her career with Katja Kassin.
According to Otto, the Hollander scene that takes the cake, however, occurs in Filthy Things 6 which they shot for JM Productions. It was part of the government’s case against JM [which was finally dropped] and that the jury got to see how in the behind-the-scenes they were a married, consenting couple.
“Jeff Mike’s the grand facilitator and dream weaver,” Otto notes. “The jury spent all day watching the movie.”
In the scene, Hollander explains how a Lucite pole bigger around than a baseball bat was stuck up her ass while she was being fucked by Otto and Rick Masters. Audrey said that with the Lucite, you can see your insides.
“I felt accomplished,” she comments. “It was rockin’ and I’m proud of it.”
Hollander also feels famous that she, somehow, was part of the history of a jury trial.
“I want to see this one written up in the Law Review,” I tell her.
For his part, Otto didn’t recall too much about the scene other than the fact that Jim Powers shot it and Jeff Mike “facilitated the budget”. Otto wasn’t even sure if the movie was available any more.
In Otto’s opinion, though, Live and Loaded was their major accomplishment.
“It tops everything.”
“I’m so glad my husband’s proud of my hard work,” Hollander adds.
Otto describes another scene that must be seen to be believed. Hollander’s going into a super market and deploying zucchini and cucumbers as sex toys. This occurs in Live and Loaded Los Angeles.
“The footage is so fuckin’ cool,” he swears.
I also bring up the fact that Otto and Audrey now live in the house that was formerly Clark Gable’s hunting lodge and was later occupied by Jill Kelly.
“I understand that the ghost of Jill Kelly can be seen roaming the hallways on Halloween,” I state.
Otto remembers possibly giving Kelly some candy that night and that she went on to spook the next house.
It’s about this point in the show that Hollander, who’s on the cover of the current Fox magazine, demands to suck cock “in a public environment”.
“She’s got a way about her,” Otto chuckles.
Like she’s about to perform a magic trick, Hollander allows a close up of her butthole, stating for the record that it’s intact, doing quite well and that she doesn’t have to rely on diapers.
I agree that, like a muscle, if you don’t use it, you lose it.
“Audrey’s the complete ho,” agrees Otto.
Earlier I had mentioned the Orange County Hadl rape case where a girl was buttfucked with a pool cue, and Audrey describes how a similar thing occurs to her in Make Her Ass Scream which was released through Ninn Worx.
“Michael [Ninn] came up with that title,” reports Otto, explaining that it was Ninn’s idea to continue with the envelope pushing.
“If a pretty girl insists on having her ass fucked who am I to stand in the way?” Otto wants to know.
According to Otto, the dynamic shifted, however, when NinnWorx was bought by Spearmint Rhino.
“John Gray was concerned about prosecutions and we didn’t pass the [Paul] Cambria report,” reveals Otto.
“Cambria’s opinion was asked of my material,” Otto continues. “His opinion was I would have to tone it down. And I refused to compromise. I didn’t want to tone it down. I would have destroyed my work if I had done that. I didn’t want to sell out.”
Otto’s saying all this without missing as beat as he slides his dick trombone-style in and out of Audrey in the spoon position.
“If you think Don Fernando can do this, you’re highly mistaken,” I inform the audience, taking the hushed tone of a golf announcer.
The KSEX camera gets a close up of Hollander’s nipples. They’re all goose pimply.
“That’s how I got started – public sex,” Otto goes on to say. Bauer at the time would work for Ric Savage and Neville Chambers under the name Eric Jeter. I ask Otto what he misses about New York. He says intelligent people and the fast walkers.
“I also miss mass transit and the efficiency of getting to places quickly.”
Speaking of which, I inform the audience that Otto will, assuredly, pop on command during this current spectacle.
“And I’m proud of him for that!” gushes Hollander, letting everyone in on the fact that she was saving the anal for a future show appearance.
Explaining that she likes multiple cocks in her mouth, Audrey’s looking for more to suck, and I inform her that three members of the FBI were out in the lobby [kidding] if she felt lucky.
“Audrey, you ride’s here,” Otto quips, remembering another cop story involving Jim Powers and a San Diego Chargers game. Apparently Powers got drunk and invited visiting members of the LAPD back to their van in the parking lot. Powers said the cops wanted to watch Otto fuck this other girl.
“The girl didn’t feel right,” said Otto wondering how all of a sudden cops are in this mix. But Powers assured the girl that if anything bad went down, Otto would head butt the constabulary. Better was thought of the attempt to try any of this.
Audrey then mentions how Otto fucks like a rock star. And Bauer wondered how, all of a sudden, Dave Navarro is directing porn movies, thinking perhaps Navarro must have lost a ton of money on account of Napster.
“Why do rock stars think they want to direct porn?” wonders Otto. “I don’t go to their concerts and jack off.”
I tell Otto I hear Navarro’s also taking harmonica lessons to make ends meet.
With Audrey humming Celebrate as she’s blowing him, Otto’s explaining the fact that Hollander’s a sex machine and requires that he fuck her four or five times a day besides the scenes he gets paid to do on camera.
“I’ve been conditioned and maintained by Audrey,” he says. Unlike most guys who are conditioned to save it and build it up, Otto believes that the key is to fuck as much as humanly possible. I’m thinking by the end of the day he must be spitting chalk dust.
“The last one of the day is barely there,” Hollander admits. To which Otto says he fortifies himself with zinc and in the past subscribed to all the placebos like Yohimbe Bark.
With it wide open, Hollander’s complaining about her mouth being dry, and Otto hocks a loogie into it.
“You only see that at a carnival,” I tell the audience.
Busting balls, Hollander’s complaining about being a prop in this conversational gambit.
“Prop yourself,” Otto tells her.
Hollander offers another suggestion to men who want to make their sperm taste better. She learned it from a diabetic who used saccharin.
“That’s on the job research and development,” Otto observes. Hollander claims saccharin also makes her pee taste sweet.
“You mean ejaculate,” Otto corrects her. In any event, Hollander explains that she aims in a cup to accomplish this business.
“I’d love to be the house boy at your place,” I tell her.
Accordingly, Audrey said she couldn’t wait to install webcams.
In the love at first sight recap, Otto told how he was living in New York at the time, and after the Jets-Denver AFC championship game which the Jets lost, he and a friend got drunk at The Blarney Stone, a neighborhood bar.
On a whim, they next decided to cab it to LaGuardia and take the first available flight to Miami Beach. Once off the plane they made an inebriated beeline for South Beach.
“We met on Ocean Blvd,” Hollander recalls, noting how she was visiting with friends.
“She was young and beautiful and clearly a wayward girl from home,” Otto remembers.
“He asked me to marry him- I said yes,” adds Hollander, noting that Otto then flew to Kentucky with her to meet her folks and formally ask for her hand in marriage.
“We moved to New York and got married a year later,” she adds.
But it wasn’t until a friend of Otto’s blew the whistle that Hollander knew of his porn past. The friend assumed that because Otto had done scenes, Hollander must be some porn chick in town.
“The past only makes the person more interesting,” reasons Hollander. So, to balance the scales, she began doing scenes as well.
“It was fun,” she says although she had to acquire her anal skills over a period of time.
“I was shocked when Otto first stuck it up my ass,” she recounts. “I jumped up and went to the bathroom.”
Hollander suggests that most anal-shy women need to practice six to eight months to rid themselves of the “exit feeling”. Hollander also says an anal orgasm in much more intense and requires diligence to achieve it.
According to Otto, Audrey was quite serious about making porn a career and by the time she was ready for the mainstream, they had done several hundred scenes as personal practice for the camera.
“By then she knew the camera and the geometry,” he says.
Hollander recalled the night she won Female Performer of the Year announcing publicly that she loved Bauer.
“I meant every word of it,” she says. Asked how they celebrated, Bauer says it was with his dick up her ass, that they retired early.
“Audrey didn’t win awards because she parties- she has a strong work ethic,” states Bauer.
On another note, Hollander explained how she achieved another rush entirely when Chanta Rose caned her asshole in Chanta’s Bitches, www.chantasbitches.com.
“It felt so fucking good,” says Hollander. “Chanta’s the real deal and will give it to you if you’re willing and want it.”
As the clock wound down, Otto popped like it was New Year’s Eve.
“I’m going to fuck Audrey like the guys at home,” he announced.
“In the missionary position.”