You had to know there was no way Lindsay Lohan was ever going to play Linda Lovelace in Inferno, despite director Matthew Wilder’s constant, almost embarrassing insistence to the contrary.
Lindsay, if you hadn't noticed, got retro-fitted with a porn chick mentality somewhere during her meager career, and any bets on her current stability are off. Perhaps gullibly taken by Lindsay’s beguiling portrayal of a machine gun toting nun in Machete, Wilder, behaving like a John, or worse, a porn fan, couldn’t seem to find a lick of common sense on the issue if it were a flush handle in a public restroom.
While I’m sure his intentions were good, if the current stories about Malin Akerman now accepting the role are true, Wilder has been rewarded by the universe in a substantial way. Yet how all this off screen drama’s going to resolve itself in a reasonably accurate and interesting biopic remains to be seen.
Honestly? Linda, though a groundbreaking icon, wasn’t exactly the hottest-looking chick in the room and having a mega babe play her is, arguably, the wrong move from the get go.
Perhaps Akerman was one of the few Hollywood debs willing to go the nude route which this picture would certainly require. That seems to be more like it than Wilder claiming suspiciously that aspirants were lining up around the corner to take this part.
If anything, Akerman’s going to get beat up and abused, made to look like she’s sucking dick for real and perhaps having to take on a canine or two to seal the deal for accuracy.
Where this grim movie’s going to wind up, unfortunately, is the same bargain dump that’s been offering assisted living to Charlie Sheen’s Rated X, about the Mitchell Bros.
One difference. Charlie could make a movie like that, and Hollywood would say it’s Charlie being Charlie. Female actresses, and hot ones to boot, don’t get that kind of slack cut for them.
