Porn Valley- Skeeter Kerkove is like a sun flare- he erupts for a couple of days, wrecks havoc with telecommunication's systems then subsides, only to erupt again.
In matters less grievous to Tricia Devereaux Internet forum postings, Skeeter takes the tact that a review appearing recently in AVN [written by Don Casitas- a made up name if ever there was a Perez Hilton] was grossly unfair to him. The movie was Big Tit Ass Stretchers 3.
The review says this: "This should stand as a warning to any girl who thinks doing nothing but anal scenes is a good idea. Witness some of these girls insipient rectal prolapse. It's not a pretty sight.
It doesn't help that each scene is shot on the same red couch.
And it really doesn't help that each scene is "introduced" by a very chatty director Skeeter Kerkove. Can the yip-yap and just get to the chicks, dude!
However, there's a certain cheapness and scuzziness here that works well for porn. You're not going to mistake this for Masterpiece Theater, and fans of butt-sex will probably find something here to hold their attention.
Retailing: Butt-sex with no ups and no extras."
"I did a movie which I carefully planned out," Skeeter goes on to say. "I very carefully picked out each guy and each girl. Even separating a husband and a wife [Otto and Audrey Hollander] where I got the most out of Jon Strong and Audrey. I had Audrey choked out till she passes out for real and it's not a game. She's slapped across the face repeatedly to be awakened out of unconsciousness.
"Whoever hates me- and he hates me bad- gave me the worst review of my life at AVN," Skeeter continues.
"I'm not saying that I'm good but I know that I'm different. I know what I put into that movie compared to other movies. And the movie was so over the top that the editor called Robert Hill Releasing like 15 different times during the movie and was very concerned about Audrey. Remember it was completely discussed what would happen to Audrey. Audrey wanted to do it. I know CPR. Everything's fine. It was an experiment. Her huband knew it.
"But to call it a low budget movie is an immediate put down. First of all, all the guys were ridiculously expensive. They were total top dollar. It's not Rob Spallone guys. It's Jon Stong, Mark Wood- these guys are getting $700, $800 a scene.And they will all tell you and they bragged about it, hate Skeeter all you want, he's the one who gave me my first and second pay rate increase. This didn't come from Evil Angel and Tricia Devereaux. It came from Skeeter not Belladonna and Aidan.
"Anyway Jon Strong's in it; Otto and Mark Wood," Skeeter goes on to say.
"These are truly expensive guys. And the girls are expensove. I got Richard Montfort, paying him $100 over his rate. He didn't ask for that. I paid the makeup artist $100 over her rate. If I'm doing that how can it be called cheap porn? R Dawg is hired for lighting. I paid him $200 more than Jim Powers pays him. I don't have to do this. I don't have to pay these people that to come to my set.
"So how can it be called cheap budget porn when I hired the best of everybody? Don't seem fair. Then it's called average anal faire. This was like over the top. I got Staci Thorn puking. I got everything going on. I'm happy. I feel totally fulfilled except for three situations that were edited out of the movie- which was a mistake, right? Where I have Nikki Nievez come up and piss- oh I'm sorry, I mean squirt- inside Staci Thorn's mouth while getting it in the ass in the reverse cowgirl with thigh high boots on, of course.
"That was edited out of the movie and I had a fit," states Skeeter. "And they called me up when I was out of state- this foreigner named Zozo. He says, 'I'm not going to prison for you! I don't care about you or your money. I got to protect my client. That's piss.'
"I go, no, that's called 'squirting.' Everybody squirts. He goes, 'I'm not going to prison for you- fuck you'- and he hung up.
"That's what got turned in, and I was fucked. I just about cried. Staci Thorn turns me on. She smokes sexy. She looks sexy. I French Kiss her- a big, overweight, chunky butt. I love her, her white trash forearm tattoos that no girl should have. I love it all. It's a love story. Other than that, everything's in there except for the full-on anal fisting.
"This was the worst review of my life," Skeeter continues.
I tell Skeeter when I ran AVN I always told the reviewers to review for the masses and not for personal preference. He argues Roger T. Pipe, among reviewers doesn't seem to get that point.
"You know what I told Heidi Pike Johnson one time?" asks Skeeter. "Let me be a guest reviewer on some movies. But I want to review movies that you would know I would not like. So you see what I can do. I want to review movies that don't have anal in them. I want to review movies that have nothing to do with what I like. She was pretty stoked about it but I never got anything to review and that's no put down to her. But that's what I wanted to do. I wanted the challenge."
"I picked out every outfit in that movie, I did everything," says Skeeter.
"I did so much on that movie there ain't anything cheap about it. There's nothing cheap about the movie. It's not a penny discount. Every girl had an agent but Audrey. Shit, I paid Jon Strong a hundred dollars more than he wanted. I'm way proud of this movie and I was just heart broken over this review. It seems someone was dogging me on purpose with a vengeance.
"I profiled this reviewer's name and he's done two in the past and that's it. And they weren't good."
[AVN writers often use a nom de plumme to trash movies.]
"Once again, the reviewer's name means nothing," thinks Skeeter. "It could be somebody there picking a different name for the review. For all I know it could be Mike Albo who hates me so much."
"I also had a scene with Kaylynn- the big nose, sexy Jewish girl who drinks too much like I do- tied her up in bondage for 95% of the sex scene. That happens in this movie. There's no mention of this. She is tied up during 95% of the movie. That is rare and it's real bondage. This is not fucking around."
Skeeter also bristles at the fact that the reviewer brings the color of couches into the review as if that has anything to do with anything.
"Would you be able to tell the difference between a black and a red loeather couch?" Skeeter asks, meaning that the reviewer failed to distinguish scenes being shot in different rooms.
"He says it doesn't help that every sex scene was filmed in the same room and on the same couch. Would you agree since you've been at my house more than anybody in porn except for Otto, that there's a difference between my downstairs and the upstairs?"
"I think what the guy did, was he grabbed my movie on purpose, hated me, watched the opening and wrote the review."
[By the generalized tone of the review- which could apply to 10,000 Mila movies - it's obvious that the reviewer never watched this one for specific content to comment on.]
"We had Staci Thorn on a black leather couch with a red background and a gold marble floor with Nikki Nievez jumping in- that cannot be compared to upstair on a green wall with a red fabric couch and a girl tied up in bondage," Skeeter points out.
"To say every scene is filmed in the same room on the same red couch doesn't help? That proves he didn't watch it. A black leather couch is truly a black leather couch. And it ain't off-black. It's black as Byron Long's dick."
