Porn Valley - One thing was obvious after the Zero Tolerance Blow Me Competition held at KSEX, www.ksexradio.com on Wednesday night. Porn star Kris Slater was willing to drive in all the way from Las Vegas to put in an appearance. Whereas Bianca Pureheart was supposed to be a guest on KSEX but couldn't move her ass to within a phone cord to call and say she couldn't make it.
Thus Pureheart who was supposed to promote a movie titled Girls in the Flash is now etched on the station's flake list scrolls, http://www.ksexradio.com/shows/thewankershow/dj_wanker_flakelist.html, whereas Slater's name lends new meaning to the term flash man. [In fact, I'm now being told that Pureheart's serial flakiness is the reason why Joey Serio dropped her from his agency.]
Displaying all the self-control of a Sumatran rat monkey, Slater, recently split up from Pason, launched his ejaculatory payload in an astonishing six seconds - confirmed by instant replay - to win the Zero Tolerance Blow Me Sandwich blowjob contest that was held on Selena Silver's Show, www.selenasilver.com.
Slater, who hadn't worked in two days, partnered up with Katrina Kraven a woman with whom he's never worked, and credited his astonishing performance to the wonders of VildenafilXP [www.impressivepenis.com], a male enhancement supplement. Slater and Kraven squared off in competition against two other couples that included Wankus and Silver along with Reina Leone and Joe Friday.
Like the Kentucky Derby which is practically over in two minutes, the blowjob event had tons of ballyhoo leading up to it. Silver had been priming her audience all last week for the spectacle and devoted the whole hour of her show to interviews and pre-cum tales of the tape. Leone, a surprise entrant in the sweepstakes, reported that she's no longer a cop and is now devoting her entire life to fucking on camera. Much was also made of Wankus' participation in the event with a lot of off-hankie wagering putting odds in his favor to win barring any outside interference from Quasarman.
Quasarman, who directs for Zero Tolerance, was on hand to do the play-by-play as the Zero Tolerance sponsored event slipped into a second hour and took over the first portion of Wankus' show. Sounding like Rob Spallone with a choke hold, Quasarman reported that it was a good day for a blow job competition. "I read the weather reports. The skies were ominous this morning. But now the sun is shining bright and think that we're going to be good tonight. I'm not kidding around. I feel good about this. It's 78 and good erection weather."
Reporting on Wankus, Quasarman observed that he didn't have quite the reach of his competition but nevertheless had a lot of heart. Before the competition had even begun, or so it seemed, Kent Silver was screaming that it was over. Comparisons were made to the Tyson- McNeely fight, although that went much longer at 89 seconds.
Quasarman said he had his money on Wankus and Kent Silver reported that the tell-tale cum was dripping off Kraven's mouth as proof. "It's dripping on to her breasts." Kent Silver said that was the single fastest pop shot he'd ever seen claiming that it beat a so-called industry record of 47 seconds although no one was credited with having set it.
"I've seen guys come early but this guy was up before sunrise," Quasarman commented. "I'd like to point out that there was a movie called 8 Seconds featuring Luke Perry in a rodeo scenario and this actually topped that. This man is a modern miracle. Although he wins the competition he will never ever have a girlfriend ever again."
"We have a very disappointed Wankus pulling his pants back up," Kent Silver also reported. "Kris Slater drove 400 miles for a six-second orgasm," Wankus was also quick to point out in the spirit of competition.
Kraven was asked if she could sense Slater's testicles making noises of any kind and was his semen real. "This was not some fake turkey baster," said Kent Silver wanting assurances. Slater chimed in by saying that Vildenafil, a KSEX sponsor, works as far as propagating 400% more cum mass. Quasarman was even willing so far as to compare the event to the Miracle on Ice of the 1980 Winter Olympics. "I've never seen a sports spectacle of this magnitude in my entire life," he said.
As mere coincidence and having nothing to do with the evening's blowjob competition, it was also announced that Selena Silver and Katrina Kraven had won $1,000 each as a result of a month-long competition conducted by Zero Tolerance for their Blow Me Sandwiches line. Every girl who shot for the line was in the competition and being judged on performance, according to Kent Silver who explained that it was one of the most popular blowjob lines on the market. "During this month they've been shooting this movie and the girls have been competing for who gives the very best blowjob." The competition was narrowed down to three finalist teams.
"I think it speaks volumes for our company that we're actually able to have valid, non-rubber checks in the amount of $2,000," said Quasarman making the presentation. "This being the porn industry, a lot of people don't have $2000 in their bank account at any given time. But when it comes to actual teamwork working together for a common goal, no one we've ever seen in the five installments of the series have eclipsed what was accomplished by Selena Silver and Katrina Kraven."
