> [from Dan Savage in The Village Voice]

Q. I am a 25-year-old bi female with a bi male partner the same age. My boyfriend likes stuff up his butt. Not being someone who enjoys anal sex, I am continually shocked by his ability and willingness to take on new challenges in this department. After a few months of playing with plugs and vibrators, I asked him if he would be up for pegging. He responded enthusiastically, so I ran out and bought a strap-on harness and a silicone cock. Our first attempt gave me a real appreciation for what guys do when they top during intercourse—all that thrusting isn’t as easy as it looks! My boyfriend appreciated my efforts, but he wants me to thrust faster, deeper, and harder. Basically, he wants to be fucked like he’s my prison bitch. Is “rough” anal sex safe? Everything I’ve read says to take it slow and easy. I want to give him what he wants, but I don’t want to hurt him.—TIMID TOP IN TACOMA

A. “Sounds to me like TTIT hasn’t seen much gay fisting porn,” says Violet Blue, blogger, columnist, and author of The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Strap-On Sex, just published by Cleis Press. “Once she sees what looks like the equivalent of guys parking backhoes in each other’s butts, she’ll realize just how resilient this little cavity can be.”

But first, a few words about pegging—a/k/a strap-on sex—for recent high-school graduates and other new readers of this column. Once upon a time, women were doing guys in their asses with strap-on dildos, and it was good. But when a guy wanted to ask for it, or a girl wanted to propose it, they had to say, “Hey, would you be willing to do me/would you let me do you in the ass with a strap-on dildo?” Annoyed by this mouthful, a Savage Love reader suggested that I harness the collective wisdom of my freaky readers and come up with a name for girls fucking guys’ butts, and “pegging” won. It’s crisp, clean, and easily conjugated: He asked her to peg him; she loves pegging him; they pegged all night long.

However, while my readers christened the term “pegging,” they didn’t invent the act. “Pegging started showing up in porn circa 1970 and became an increasingly popular sex act for straight kids once strap-on harnesses became commercially available in the 1990s,” says Violet. “As I explain in my book, strap-on sex was so misunderstood by mainstream porn producers that indie-porn companies made films like Bend Over Boyfriend,” which walked couples through the mechanics of pegging.

But porn videos, commercially available harnesses, and catchy names can’t account for the boom in girl-on-boy anal sex, can they? What’s driving the pegging craze? “Perhaps straight guys are more interested in having women play with their asses because of increased awareness about prostate health,” says Violet. (A little butt play can improve prostate health.) “Or maybe guys are just becoming more comfortable and confident about their heterosexuality.”

So more and more guys like it—but what about guys who like it rough? “TTIT should take it slow and easy at first,” says Violet, “until her guy indicates that he’s ready for more. . . . She should use LOTS of lube—lack of lube will damage the sensitive tissues. She may want to invest in a lube syringe, which is what those ass athletes in porn use prior to every scene. But she’s the guardian of his anal safety at all times and should pay close attention and proceed carefully.”