Porn Valley- It's that time of the year when empty stockings hang by the fake Adultfyi fireplace, with chest hairs roasting on an open fire and sugar plum promises dancing in the heads of the naive expecting holiday joy.
'Tis the season when thought is given to all those wonderful adult industry deadbeats who particularly made the last 12 months on this planet colorful, heart pounding and very exciting to those souls they promised money to.
And it's to those grifters that I dedicate the first annual Nicoles, named in honor of Nicole London who started it all with broken promises and hearty yamina-yaminas. http://adultfyi.com/read.aspx?ID=7200.
As I attempted to collect a check from her last year, London provided me endless sources of mirth as Christmas poked its merry but meddlesome nose in my bank balance. And this season is no exception.
Promissory notes, Ponzi schemes and failures to cough up? All of them were my bunk buddies this past year, and figured I may as well pass them along in a special way with warm, everlasting thoughts of London wherever she may be.
Excuses I've heard a few. But, then again, too few to mention:
Gene, we're renewing the banner. I'll call you. [Imagine waiting by the phone- the phone that never rings] Or, Gene, come over and pick up the check. And you know the punch line- there was no one waiting and no check. How about this one? Gene, Frank's got a post-it on his door. We'll get this taken care of on Monday. Or, Gene, we got a deal [the requisite handshake]. Nothing happens then, as a delaying tactic you get told the webmaster's located in Idaho as if this is the all-mitigating circumstance. Then there's the commitment followed by the ever popular, "I just got a new business partner. He's making the decisions."
There were many variations on such themes this year and some very clever. And if you have any nominations in this category, I'll entertain them as well. In fact, your stories might be better than mine. But to be eligible for deadbeat status your deadbeat or mine will have failed to square up by midnight next Tuesday, December 27.
The grand prize deadbeat will be announced next Thursday.
