SAN DIEGO (from www.thenaughtyamerican.com]) – When my girlfriend found out she was pregnant (and after I confirmed it was my kid), we then had to figure out what to name our darling little girl.
I have a duty to give my daughter a name that will help her when she is old enough to strip for a living. After all, it’s not like I’m going to be around to watch her grow up.
We’ve looked at baby name books, and celebrity tabloids, but, believe it or not, porn films are the best source for good baby names.
Don’t believe me? A new poll by BabyNames.com of the top baby names of 2007 suggests a lot of parents were inspired to name their daughters after their favorite porn actresses.
Take, for instance, the top female name, “Ava.” There are at least 20 adult film actresses named Ava, including Ava Devine, Ava Lauren, Ava Ramon, Ava Rose and Ava Vincent.
I imagine at least one of these couples saw Ms. Lauren on screen and got so hot that the man said something, like “Ava, yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, Ava,” and the woman assumed he was referring to their impending child’s name.
It could happen.
Ava is not the only name on the list that seems more appropriate for a strip bar than a nursery school.
There’s Madeleine (No. 4), a perfect name for a “showgirl” with a fake French accent; Brianna (No. 10), a woman who likes to take her clothes off whenever she’s drunk; and Kaylee (No. 14), who engages in threesomes with her co-workers and unemployed boyfriend.
No. 15: Haley: A late bloomer with a skinny petite body who sleeps with the football team in order to prove she’s not a little girl.
No. 18: Isabelle: She’s the “nice” stripper who starts dancing only because she wants to buy her boyfriend a Wii. Sadly, his wife finds the gift before the guy, and gives it to their kids without telling him.
No. 19: Arianna: is A popular at bachelor parties because she can snatch up dollar bills without using her hands or feet.
No. 20: Grace: Plays the rich bitch in Euro-trash flicks where the music is really loud and the moans and groans are dubbed in by someone else. She usually marries a film producer, becomes a housewife in Encino, and never ever ever lets her kids know about her former profession.
With all those sexy names, my girlfriend and I had our work cut out for us, especially since we are fans of Ms. Devine, Haley Scott, Brianna Love and Isabella Soprano.
So we’ve decided to use them all. When my daughter is born in February, we will proudly call her Ava Haley Brianna Isabella Sorito. That way she can choose the combination that works best for her stripping career.