Porn Valley- Howard Stern began a new segment on his show today in which he interviews hot babes with dorky boyfriends. Miller Lite girl Kitana Baker was first out of the bottle bringing along her boyfriend, John. Stern couldn't figure out the attraction. You're the chick on the Miller Lite commercial," he said disbelieving.
Baker said she and John met at a club in her hometown. "She was giving me the eye," John stated. Baker agreed that she was giving him the come hither eye look.
"He was on the dance floor- he can move," said Baker who claims she was instantly drawn to him. John said he wasn't a typical white boy, however. John didn't think Baker was looking for anything long term beyond a one-nighter. "She saw me. I was dancing. I was probably looking my best." Asked if any famous, wealthy men come on to her, Baker said she's been hit on quite a bit. Artie Lange, not believing his ears, either, asked Baker what made her look at John.
"His confidence," she answered. Noting that John was making $12,000 a year at the time, Robin Quivers wondered what he had to be confident about. "You should have been a maggot in a hole somewhere," Stern suggested.
Stern, one to talk, was also quick to point out that John didn't have the necessities in the physique department. Baker explained that she likes to cook so that explains the couple of extra pounds.
"You are beyond hot- you're magnificent," Stern kept saying. Baker said she'd take it as a compliment coming from Stern. "You're brutally honest." Stern wondered, for instance, if, when they go to the beach is every guy'd hitting on Baker. "Every guy is just rubber necking," John agreed. "It's horrible. It's annoying." Stern also suspected that every guy probably wondered who the loser was with Baker.
Baker said she and John met before she did the commercial. "It looked like it was going to catapult you into something big," Stern thought. "Are you waiting for something to happen?" Baker said she had a movie that was coming out in Friday in Los Angeles and New York- Incident at Loch Ness. "It's a Werner Herzog film," she said. Baker said she's working on becoming an actress and hopes that the film will give her career a boost.
At 5' 9", Baker boasts 34-D's but said they were augmented. Stern kept expressing disbelief that John got such a girl. "You're not even as tall as her. Goddamn you." John is 33, and Baker said she didn't have too many boyfriends prior to meeting him. Stern figured John was either lugging a lot of coke or had a big penis. Baker said it was the penis.
"And he's very skilled with his tongue." John figured that the oral skill even superceded the penis. Stern thought he himself was good with the tongue but said his girlfriend doesn't ask for oral too much. When he suggests oral, according to Stern, she tells him just do her. Baker said that's a bad sign and that she did the very same thing with another boyfriend.
"I see so many pornos- I see what to do," said Stern sounding like a beaten man. John also suspected that it was play acting in the pornos lending a false impression and that he'll keep doing Baker until climax. Stern imagined that John must live every day in insecurity figuring that Baker will dump him eventually.
"She's not going to dump me," he answered confidently. "Even if she did, if that's what she wants to do, that's her life."
Stern wanted to know the strategy for getting a good looking girl like Baker, stating that he himself was a mess and would be considered one if he wasn't who he was. "I'm not kidding myself." John said, rather than being possessive, he tells Baker get lost. "Go have fun. Go party."
Baker, who said that was a big part of it, insisted that she was in love with John and they've been together for six years with her being faithful the entire time. "He makes me laugh," she explained. At her age, Stern wondered if Baker ever thought about something else being out there. Baker said she's always made her own money so finances weren't an issue.
Asked if she was going to marry John, Baker said, "We'll see." Stern also asked if they were swingers and if they had other girls in bed. Baker said no. But, according to John, it's not for Baker's lack of trying. "I got to get up early for work. She's playful." Although she's not under contract to Miller any more, Baker said she was just in Iraq a couple of weeks ago for a promotion. "That must have been a lot of laughs," Stern said dryly.
"Did you bang her the first night," Stern then asked John. John added that it was about a month but he didn't have to "work her". According to John, Baker was seeing someone else at the time which afforded them the luxury of flirting. "We were hanging out more like friends and going to parties. Then it got to the point, hey, you got to dump that guy."
Evaluating the situation, Stern said John had to write a book. "I'd read it. This is like if Pamela Anderson dated The Elephant Man- no offense." On the other hand, Stern was willing to concede that John is maybe the most fascinating man he's ever had on the show. "Our hero- there'll be a shrine to you on my website."
Noting that they live together, Stern suggested that it must be doing something to John mentally when Baker's out on the town without him. "She's having fun- I'm dull. There's no way she's going to stay with me." John admitted the thought has occurred to him that it could end but that he's enjoying the run while he has it. "If it ends tomorrow I'll continue on."
Being insecure himself, Stern said when his girlfriend goes to L.A. he's picturing her around a lot of fascinating people. "I think I'm worthless." To alleviate the problem Stern said he goes to Scores. Baker was also quick to admit that if John ever got clingy that would be the end of it. John also realizes that it's part of Baker's job to go to parties and be flirty with guys. "But that's the end of it," claims Baker. On those occasions, John said he keeps himself occupied with hobbies and friends. "We need our time apart."
Asked how it was the first time he got Baker naked, John said it was quick and that he apologized. Baker said she was fine with it. John said he's up to about 10 seconds. "It's really good." But he has yet to get her off through regular sex.
Baker said she used to be dancer so she has tons of outfits and costumes for when the occasion warrants. "A little role playing." Baker admitted that they have made a tape. "But we never felt the need to watch it."
Asked if Baker was good at oral, John said she was incredible. "Before I met her when I was with other girlfriends I never like oral because they don't know how to do it. I'm afraid to ask her where she learned it." Baker said she learned through experience and talking to her partners.
Baker was asked if she ever did a tape with Tera Patrick. "We used to work on Playboy TV together," she said. "Night Calls 411. She was the hostess and I was the e-mail girl." But Baker said she didn't do a video. "I've kissed girls but I've never had sex with girls."
Stern said if John wanted to go on the lecture circuit to give pointers on how to get a woman like Baker, he'd sponsor it.
