I always had a special place in the heart for the Charles Bukowski school of writing. The school that teaches when talent fails, drink yourself shit-faced.
Can’t find the perfect adjective to fit the occasion? A Seven & Seven helps. Stuck for the proper tense of a verb? Vodka and Ginger Ale will add clarity to your conjugations.
I started out as a newspaper reporter, a profession where guys nicknamed “Scoop” would cover the Trenton, New Jersey-area bowling leagues by matching highballs with the high scorers.
God forbid one of his buddies rolled a 700 series. Scoop would be in the newsroom next morning, nose beet red, wheeled in on a gurney.
Man’s fascination with booze is eternal. Booze and Sinatra have gotten more men laid then, say, blackmail, a billy club or a porn tape. By the same token, women use booze as the excuse to explain away those momentary lapses in judgment, like back alley gangbangs, anal sex and trysts with men of Mexican descent.
To watch a pretty woman get lit up, is to be a kid watching the lights on your first Christmas tree. You know something magical is about to happen, that Santa’s coming to town.
When all else in marketing fails, booze is the go-to product. Booze does not know recession. Booze does not know Lent. Booze does not know temperance or sobriety. Booze does not recognize The Christian Coalition.
When the going gets tough, the tough go drinking. So it makes sense to read how, now, in times of belt tightening, celebrities are endorsing alcohol rather than re-tooling their own flagging careers. My theory is they’re working out issues, but that’s only my theory.
Famous David Lee Roth-impersonator Sammy Hagar founded Cabo Wabo tequila in 1996 and made a mint when he sold it off for $80M in 2008. Then you’ve got Donald Trump owning Trump Super Premium Vodka, and we all know what a super premium personality he’s got.
Meanwhile, Dan Aykroyd has a wine label as well as a brand called Crystal Head, a vodka that comes in a skull. The fact that Aykroyd’s great-grandfather had been a mystic who corresponded with Sherlock Holmes author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and actress Shirley MacLaine on the subject of Spiritualism, may have something to do with it. But it’s just a hunch. Plus I’ll never forgive Aykroyd for taking Donna Dixon off the market.
A man who wears lipstick and shaves his eyebrows, Marilyn Manson puts out Mansinthe, which is a clever way of re-marketing the verboten Absinthe, a wormwood extract that makes you feel super sexy and woozy while rotting your brains out.
In progress…to be continued at www.adultcybermart.com