Porn Valley- Wankus was on the air having a polite phone conversation Monday night with director Fran Lupo for World X Productions when Mary Carey, in her usual state of partying, came barging in out of turn. Apologizing to Lupo, Wankus asked that Carey be escorted from the KSEX studio for a minute.

“When Mary Carey comes in, everything must stop,” mused Wankus. Meanwhile a stream of profanities was pouring out of Carey as Wankus continued his conversation.

“Where’s my girlfriend Tyler Faith?” Carey yelled out.

“Fran, we need security here just for Mary,” Wankus told her. Faith wasn’t in the studio, leaving Wankus to face Carey and her new friend, Starlit Night, who wouldn’t keep quiet.

“Listen foreign bitch,” said Wankus. “I can only take one ADD chick at a time.” Night explained that she met Carey in New Zealand and Carey said they did some traveling together in Auckland and Christ Church

“So much drama,” muttered Carey regarding Harold. “We broke up today for real. Like this time for real.”

Carey talked about how Harold her boyfriend packed up and moved out while Night was carrying on an entirely different conversation. Wankus was trying to get Night to shut her trap so Carey could tell her story. Carey wanted Wankus to call Harold on the air.

Carey went on to say that Harold cut her lip in an altercation.

“Did Harold hit you?” Wankus was trying to determine.

“Like a fuckin’ bitch,” Carey replied.

Night then offered an account that needed translation but Carey mentioned that Harold stole three pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage. Carey said she indulges drama non-stop and in Harold’s defense dating her is drama. Night continued to talk while Carey said something about calling Harold a “n*gger” a sign which generally means she’s drunk.

Carey went on to say she was disappointed Faith wasn’t around because she was in love with her. Wankus then tried calling Harold and suggested to Night, “We’re going to play that let’s see how long we can be quiet game.”

Harold wasn’t picking up the phone, and Wankus wished he knew Night was coming because he would have prepared for it by drinking a lot.

According to Carey, she and Harold were fighting way too much and feels disrespected by him. [All Harold had to do was play a tape of Monday night’s broadcast to tighten his own defense.] Carey then asked Wankus to play her “fat song.”

“It was the Mary Carey food tease,” Wankus explained. Carey said she never knew about the KSEX comedy bit until fans clued her in about it.

“We offered her food every day until she decided to come in and do an interview with us,” Wankus explained. Carey started talking about Tawny Roberts and how Roberts would toss her Taco Bell while Carey would swallow hers.

“I’d wake up every morning- shit- there was Taco bell in my sink, my bathtub- like what the hell is going on,” said Carey. “I would swallow my food.”

Carey said she had no idea that her friends were bulimic.

“My friends all have eating disorders- I didn’t know that.”

Carey said there’d be a trail of heaved food in her condo.

“You’d go up these floors and there’d be beans in the hallway,” she added. “I was just not into the throwing up of food-thing.”

Night began telling her story and Wankus, probably reading everyone’s mind, talked about needing an interpreter and attempted to do some of the translation above her rising voice. Disregarding Night, Carey went on to say that she’d be feature dancing in Atlantic City.

“I’m opening the doors for The Lee Network,” she said. “Much like I do all the time.” In the agency’s defense Carey said they can book certain clubs willing to fork over the big bucks.

“Other agents unfortunately can’t get you as many clubs,” said Carey. Carey also declared that the Spearmint Rhinos generally suck.

“I told my agent I didn’t want to do them any more- he told me if you don’t do the Rhinos, I’m never going to book you.” Carey said she liked the club in West Palm Beach. Carey continued another pointless story and Wankus asked if she would have any recollection in the morning that she was on the show. Looking for any excuse to change the subject, Wankus tried calling Harold again to no avail.

Asked if she was shooting a lot of porn, Carey said she was shooting six movies a year for Legend and that she was also running for governor again.

“It’s different- during a recall you only need 65 signatures to get on the ballot,” she said. “Right now I need 158,000. I’m probably not going to get them so I’ll have to go in as a write-in candidate.”

Carey mentioned that she was going to San Diego next week with some college kids.

“They’re going to help me out,” she said. “I’m going to do the Deja Vu down there which I’m doing, not through The Lee Network. Hopefully I’ll get the signatures.” During the last election, Carey got 11,000 votes

“You know what people do when they go to AA?” Wankus asked. “They forge.” Carey said she tried rustling up votes sober but discovered it was boring that way.

“It’s not fun when you’re sober,” she said. “I tried staying out of the niteclub circuit. It wasn’t fun.” Carey then crowed about how a guy dating a girl in the business needs to be supportive and said Wankus was a good example of what she was talking about because he referred to Faith as “the boss.”

“I want a Wankus!” Carey whined. Starlit Night tried making another point and Wankus said if anyone could figure out what she was trying to say to please call KSEX. Recalling an earlier comment Carey made about giving him and Faith $17,000 to move in with them, Wankus asked if the offer was still good although he assumed Faith would nix the deal. Carey started talking about Tawny Roberts and their being best friends and that it was a mishap.

“It was not the best business decision,” said Carey of the relationship. Besides, said Wankus, Faith doesn’t puke her lunch. Carey said she’s been working out and avoiding Taco Bell.

“I’m drinking considerably less,” she stated. “Seriously I used to drink a Fifth of Vodka a day when I was with Tawny.”

“Are you a sloppy fuck too like a sloppy drunk?” Wankus asked her.

Carey said something about only doing nine boy-girls scenes in three years. Wankus then took note that Carey had scabby knees, and she attributed it to feature dancing.

“It sucks and if you got to Spearmint Rhino it sucks even more,” she replied. “My knees are banged up from feature dancing.” Wankus asked about another local club, The Blue Zebra and Carey said that sucked as well.

“When you go to LA clubs it’s like there’s another porn star in town and they don’t pay your rate,” she went on to say.Carey said, unfortunately, when you deal with The Lee Network you have to take the bad clubs with the good and are stuck doing them. Wankus said he’d just be happy if the Rhinos treated the girls with respect.

“Some of them are fucking assholes.” Carey remembered dancing at the one in Oxnard where she was throwing up in the bathroom.

“I didn’t go out for my Polaroids- he said why aren’t you doing your Polaroids? I said I’m really sick. Usually after the third show a lot of times I don’t do the Polaroids if it’s slow. Next day I get a call from the Lee Network like why didn’t you do the Polaroids after your third show? Make sure you do your Polaroids.”

Another thing, mentioned Carey, the LA crowds tend to suck as it is. Carey suspected some of the problems could be with the fact that ads are put in the LA Weekly where you can’t reasonably assume they’re authentic. [Particularly since porn star photos are also used for hooker ads.] By the same token, Carey said she went to the Club Oasis in Philadelphia and did four radio shows promoting her appearances.

“They do the best P.R.,” she said. “In L.A. no one gives a fuck.”

Wankus began asking Night if she’d take her top off and promote the website she hasn’t done yet. Night wouldn’t and Wankus asked Carey why Night was such a prude. Night said she’d do it if someone called in. Then she said something else in New Zealandese and again no one had a clue what she was talking about. Carey then mentioned that she and co-ho Rebecca Love were going to do a movie together “back in the day.”

“Back in the day,” said Love. “Her man took my camera and deleted all the pictures.” From the sound of the story it was the other Carey ex, No-Neck. Love explained that she was taking pictures behind the scene for her website when No-Neck grabbed the camera.

“Like he was the FBI?” Wankus asked. According to Carey, No-Neck is now haunting strip clubs in Florida with the pitch, I made Mary Carey a star.

“He’s playing that role now,” she said. “He’s using me, trying to get girls saying that he’s going to make them stars.” Tyler Faith then called in and Wankus brought up the fact about Carey possibly moving in with them.

“I’ll put my bed in the bathroom,” Carey said, noting that she was willing to bring Faith the bank book and that they could clean her account out together.

“It will be me, Tyler and Wankus- one happy family. We can shoot website content.”

Wankus conceded that Carey was looking pretty good these days, and Carey rued the fact that she never adopted the binge & purge tactics of Tawny Roberts.

“Was she on the meth diet?” Wankus asked. Carey claims Roberts didn’t do drugs and that she was still good friends with her.

“She’s away hooking,” reported Carey.

Carey was showing some pictures of her and Roberts, and Wankus said Roberts used to be hot.

“I don’t know what happened.”

Carey mentioned something else about doing a scene with Faith when she shoots her next movie for Legend. Carey said her last three girl-girl scenes featured Tylene Buck, Lexi Marie and Brooke Haven.

“They’re kind of noticing a common look upon the girls I shoot,” said Carey who inferred something about Night also being in the scene.

“That’ll never happen, just so you know,” Wankus told her. “I know Tyler. That’ll never happen.”

Carey then started telling another story that made it sound like The Lee Network took all her money in some dispute over plane tickets and Finland.

‘It was supposed to be me, Savanna Samson and Nikki Benz,” said Carey. “All of a sudden it was me at the last minute.” Carey said going overseas and being a porn star, what are you going to do.

“You’ll be drunk the whole time and not know where you are,” Wankus suspected.

Wankus again tried calling Harold and told Carey Harold was some little dog she could push around, that’s why she was with him.

“He’s a fuckin’ loser,” said Wankus. “He takes everything you dish out and once in awhile he freaks out and you say, I can’t take it any more! But you’ve been treating him like shit for a long time. Let’s be honest. He finally had enough and smacked you along side the head.” Carey said Harold came into the relationship claiming to be a real estate broker.

“I’m like where are your real estate deals? Why are you living off me?” Carey alleged that Harold was hogging her money from the strip clubs. Wankus then mentioned something about Evan Stone and Carey said one of her nine b-g scenes was with him.

“He’s awesome.” That’s when Rebecca Love brought up the fact that she and Stone got in trouble for fucking in a movie they weren’t supposed to fuck in.

“It was one of those B-rated movies that go on Showtime,” Love explained. Despite being told to put the sock and bandaids on, Love told everyone she and Stone were all good.

“We didn’t- needless to say we got in trouble,” she laughed. Carey said her Cinemax movies play so much.

“They play all the time,” said Carey claiming she got $2500 to be in one.

“Who’s making money?” she asked. “The girls are losing out.” Wankus noted that Carey for the first time all night was keeping relative quiet.

“Mankow got mad at me because I wanted to interview the guests,” she stated. “I’m very much about the spotlight. That’s the thing that Harold was good about. He didn’t want the spotlight. I need a guy who lets me have a spotlight but yet believes in a girl, is happy and doesn’t beat you up.”

Wankus then asked Carey if she was still friends with Kendra Jade noting that the last time on the show, they were on something. Carey explained that was the other time she and Harold broke up, and she was determined to fuck a celebrity as a result. So Carey brought Constantine from American Idol over.

“I wanted to hook him up from Kendra,” she said. “He ended up sleeping in bed with me and Kendra and not touching us.” Carey recalled that as also being the time that Jade beat the shit out of Cassidey the Vivid girl. Wankus remembered that as the story where Cassidey’s dog was shitting all over the house.

“Supposedly it was my dog doing the shitting,” said Carey. “My dog tends to shit a lot.” Wankus then wanted to call Kendra. He got her on the phone and said he had Carey in the studio. Jade said she felt sorry for him.

“Is she talking about anything besides Harold?” Jade wanted to know. Carey said Jade’s been the only girl who’s been there for her through the rough times. Carey talked to Jade about lining her up with a celebrity. Rebecca Love said while she was at it to put in a word with Matthew McConaughey.

“I want to fuck you!” exclaimed Love.

“You want me to call him?” Carey asked nonchalantly.