New Zealand- Posted on the stuff.co.nz website: I already know a lot about Mary.
From her publicity I know her favourite sex position, her favourite sex toy (something called a pocket rocket), her favourite music, her favourite sport and her measurements.
Purely in the line of professional duty, you understand, I have also seen her naked.
I am acquainted with her political background. In 2003 she ran for the Governorship of California on a ticket which included taxing breast implants and making lapdancing tax deductible. She got 10th out of 1135 candidates.
She emerges from her dressing room at the Christchurch Convention Centre smiling sweetly and pleased to see me. She has just danced topless before the excited guests at Erotica Lifestyles Expo.
She is wearing what she calls her "little stripper dress" and looks magnificent, perhaps a little meatier than the other porn stars I have been rubbing shoulders with.
Now we are together, there seems little left to say. So we talk politics and discuss her presidential ambitions. She has a position on the Iraq War, for instance, which is "that we (the US) should mind our own business a little bit".
She would campaign for freedom of speech, she says, because in some states she cannot even touch her "boobs on stage without getting arrested".
Politics exhausted, I ask her about her new teeth and her new breasts.
The teeth cost her about $15,000 and I forget to ask how much the breast augmentation she had done last year cost.
"I used to be against plastic surgery but now I'm getting older I like plastic surgery," the Cleveland, Ohio native says.
The ice broken, we go on to talk about her day attire when she is at home.
"I usually wander around naked. I don't wear clothes if I can help it."
And can she cook? "I can't cook anything. I make good rice. As long as it comes in a package and it's like 10-minute rice. I can do microwave pizzas and do a tuna pasta casserole. That's about it.
"When I'm president I will have tons of people cooking for me."
Mary and I genuinely hit it off and we pose together for the camera. I hug her close and can't help feeling the tightness of her new left breast.
A highlight of the evening is a cosy chat with Syren - for some reason I keep calling her Syria.
Syria, sorry Syren, is, along with the girlish and sexy Yasmin and the healthy-looking Brooke, signing posters in an area called The Stars Enclosure or something like that. It is a barn-like part of the Convention Centre where a bed adorned with a zebra-patterned spread is positioned between fake Greek pillars sprayed gold and miles of red velvet.
