Porn Valley- Promoting a mainstream film, if you will, Ron Jeremy was on the Adam Carolla show in Los Angeles Monday morning talking about the DVD release of Boondock Saints.

Jeremy’s appearance was preceded by bleeped soundbites from female porn performers who were talking about Jeremy’s prowess with oral sex. Carolla also noted that Boondock Saints got a pretty good review from Ebert & Roeper Sunday night.

“Two thumbs up not only for the movie but the documentary about it or something like that,” said Carolla. Jeremy said Boondock Saints was playing in 120 theaters starting Monday besides coming out on DVD the following day.

“It did so well in the last four years that 20th Century Fox picked it up,” said Jeremy.

Jeremy also noted that Boondock Saints is the number one straight-to-video feature that Blockbuster’s ever had.

“Supposedly,” said Jeremy with Carolla of the opinion that the best work Jeremy’s done to date was in Spank me, Fuck Me.

“I can’t top that,” laughed Jeremy. “And I want to thank you for sharing that with everybody.”

“Ron with the fabulous Minka- the number one Asian biog-boobed queen,” intoned Carolla.

“You’re putting it right back in the gutter where it belongs,” Jeremy replied.

“You can tell she’s miserable having sex with you, Ron,” Carolla observed. “Minka was not to be with The Hedgehog, I got to tell you. You had to pay her but she had the puss on the whole time.”

Carolla also thought that Jeremy could give some advice to Billy the 17 year-old webmaster who was on the show earlier talking about his disastrous prom date. Carolla said Billy was a senior at an alternative school.

“When it’s your first prom date,” noted Jeremy, “be a gentlemen- the girls appreciate it. Give her a kiss on the cheek. Give her flowers. Girls like the corny things, still, flowers, candy. Did you do all that stuff for your prom date?”

Billy hesitated but said he got the girl a corsage but otherwise it was pretty blank. Jeremy asked him if he had a nice time.

“We had a great time,” Billy answered. It was also pointed that Billy ran out of things to say on the date. Carolla asked Jeremy what you talk about when there’s a lull in the conversation.

“Occupation, hobbies- what you’re doing with yourselves,” Jeremy answered. “What kind of films you like.”

Carolla observed Billy’s also masturbating on the Internet so that’s a tough subject to bring up on dates.

“I wouldn’t suggest you discuss that,” Jeremy chuckled, mentioning that some guys bring him us a subject.

“Some guys use that as a gauge. If a girl knows, stick with her. If a girl doesn’t know, good by- I’ll see you later.”

“If she says salty then it’s time to move on,” Carolla suggested.

“No, it’s time to see her twice,” thought Jeremy. Carolla then mentioned that he still has Jeremy’s penis, and Jeremy also thanked him for bringing that subject up.

“Ron gave me a likeness of his phallus that he had in the trunk of his car,” Carolla explained. “One of the actual mold, Doc Johnson-jobs where they actually mold ya.” Jeremy said something about giving that to a girl as a token of appreciation.

Carolla asked how they do the molding part.

“It’s very uncomfortable,” Jeremy answered and explained about his visit to Pipedream Productions.

“And you dip things into a vat of cement-type material,” said Jeremy. “I was smart because I placed it where you can be down in case you start to lose things. The mold stays. I saw other guys like Peter North has done it; Rocco has done it. They put it sideways. That’s bad because if you start to lose, then you have to redo the whole thing. I did it with the buckets on the floor- like pushups right on to it. That way if you start to lose it,. you’ve already made the indentation. They go, ah- good thinking. That’s how we did it. It’s not very comfortable.”

Carolla pointed out that Jeremy holds a Masters degree.

“And it’s that kind of thinking that 20 years later when you’re putting your schvantz into a bucket of plaster of Paris, it comes in handy.”

Jeremy was asked if he was comfortable with the idea of gay men using it on one another.

“I don’t mind- I don’t care who’s using it as long as they’re having a nice time,” Jeremy replied.

“You don’t believe it’s a voodoo wang where all of a sudden you’re walking down the street and some gay guy’s got a hold of it and is doing God-knows-what,” said Carolla. “And all of a sudden you clutch your groin. Ah! Where am I going.”

Another suggestion was Ron Jeremy’s wang might wind up in Gay Vito’s rectum on The Sopranos. On the subject of oral sex which is what the earlier soundbites were about, Jeremy was asked what makes him so great.

“Sam Kinison used to say do the alphabet,” Jeremy replied. “I’m going to keep this radio-savvy so we don’t get bleeped- lick the alphabet. That was a Sam Kinison line and it was always true. The whole trick was you please the girl before you please yourself. Don’t let her even see it until she’s at least had an orgasm.”

Carolla suggested that Jeremy was the Rudy of porn stars.

“Maybe not what you’d like to see in the mirror- he’s not one of these pretty boys. He has to work extra hard but he overcompensates and comes out on top.” To whichj Jeremy felt the girl was the draw in porn.

“They’re the fantasy- in the gay film, the guy’s the draw<‘ he added. “But in the films we’re in, we’re the props. If you look at the best known male actors from John Holmes to Ed Powers to Max Hardcore to myself, you wouldn’t call us Chippendale guys.”

“Yeah, the average guy with a 13-inch schwantz,” Carolla quipped. Jeremy said it’s more of a payback is a bitch held over from high school when the football team got the beautiful cheerleaders.

“You see guys like me getting lucky in the adult movies, hey, touchdown!”

“It’s the size of the wang,” said Dave Dameshek. “If you understand that 98% of your viewing audience is straight men, so why is it that every wang in the pornos has to be humongous- then it’s intimidating to the regular guy.” Jeremy said not necessarily and brought up Randy West’s name.

“It’s not all that necessary,” Jeremy continued. “I worked for a company called Metro and they hired guys – big, small- from different walks of life. if you look at the movies they don’t all have to be large.”

Carolla made a point that if you watch Conan The Barbarian you don’t want to see him swinging a letter opener over his head.

“You want him to have a battle axe. It’s visual.” But Jeremy kept continuing to say that a lot of the top guys in the business aren’t necessarily huge.

“As long as you can keep it going, that’s the important thing,” Jeremy continued. “And now with all the various drugs that are out there guys can now perform that normally wouldn’t.”

Carolla noted that the guys Jeremy came into the business with were regular guys.

“Theater actors and college students.” Jeremy agreed that the male crop in the Seventies came from those walks of life.

“Porn is sort of like pro athletics in a certain sense,” Carolla thought. “That when you hear about baseball players from many years ago- it was we played baseball and in the off season I drove a milk truck. People had other jobs. They had civilian lives. They weren’t groomed for this like they are now.”

A caller named Keith asked Jeremy if he gets harassed a lot because of his big schvantz.

“My buddy harassed him out in Hollywood one night.” Jeremy said guys usually yell out nice things.

“We were outside of the Rainbow Room,” Keith continued. “Ron Jeremy was coming out of the restaurant next door with a really pretty older lady. They were getting in the car and my buddy starts screaming at them- ‘Yeah, heh, donkey sclong.’ Like making gestures.

“That’s going to bother me?” asked Jeremy. “Where does the insult begin?” Keith went on to say that Jeremy stuck his ass on the window of the passenger door in his girlfriend’s face.

“I think I yelled out just say no to crack,” Jeremy recalled of the incident.

“You were really cool about it- you didn’t act like a dick,” said Keith. Carolla said that Jeremy was incredibly recognizable.

“And everyone knows who you are- but I don’t know if people can as readily admit that they know who you are as they could another celebrity because that means they’re watching these movies.”

Jeremy said it’s funny to watch when a husband is about to say something then holds that thought.

“They keep it to themselves.” Jeremy also ventured to say that more people saw him on Surreal Life then any adult film he ever made.

“So now with the mainstreaming of stuff, it’s more, like, hey, how’s it going?”

Asked if he watched porn, Jeremy said he made the same joke about reality shows that he doesn’t mind being in them.

“But I don’t like to watch them that much.”

Asked who he thought was the biggest actress in the business, Jeremy answered Jenna Jameson.

“And of course Tera Patrick’s right there, I’d say second- and of course Tabitha Stevens, Christy Canyon, Jeanna Fine, Shayla LaVeaux, Teri Weigel and of course Taylor Wane. Those are some of my favorites.” Jeremy pointed out that he hasn’t worked with Jameson nor Patrick.

“But they’re probably the top two right now.”

Jeremy said it also went without saying that he’d like to work with them.

“Ever have any sex off camera with the porn stars?” Carolla asked. “I know it sounds stupid, but when you’re done working…”

“Of course there is,” said Jeremy, noting that many girls don’t get off on camera and want to “finish” as well.

“Once in awhile it happens,” said Jeremy. “In all fairness not all girls can actually orgasm on camera. Some do.”

“You’re like one of these celebrities who will not leave until every autograph is signed,” Carolla assumed.

“In all fairness, most guys would do that too,” answered Jeremy. “I’m not the only guy that would say that. Most of the guys would do that.”

Jeremy also put in a plug for another mainstream movie he did which is titled Andre The Butcher.

“It’s now in Blockbuster and other video stores,” he said. “I play a maniacal butcher and it’s a really good one [horror movie].”

Carolla figured that Jeremy’s IMDB must be going through the roof.