Porn Valley- So Johnny Ray walks into a room, right? The room is this plush, $100,000 Metro party. The Metro customers are sayin’ what the fuck are you doin’ here. Johnny goes, you mean this isn’t the Elizabeth Starr party? Bada boom. So Johnny walks into Jet Multimedia, says I wanna quit, go to Jill Kelly Productions. Johnny goes over to Jill Kelly, gets fired. Johnny comes back to Jet Multimedia, says I wanna get re-hired. Johnny gets re-hired then rumor has it he goes over to Elizabeth Starr looking for a job. Jet notices Johnny’s desk empty, calls Elizabeth Starr. Elizabeth Starr goes, Johnny who?

Noel Bloom joins Metro as a consultant, bada boom. P.R. girl Jennifer quits, bada bang.

This porn chick is told she’s gonna be made Starlet of the Year if she fucks this guy in the ass with a strap-on, right? She fucks the guy in the ass with a strap-on. Guess what? She doesn’t get Starlet of the Year!! You’re killin’ me.

The adult business is so big. How big is it? It’s $12 billion a year big, so Leisuretime, in an attempt to compete with Factory in the highly lucrative 55 cents a DVD market, loses its ass, has to lay off 50% of its work force. Eric Gutterman, who makes 250 K a year over there, is heard to say, I think I need to look for a job. Stop me, stop me. Wanna hear Leisuretime’s impersonation of Alfred E. Newman? What Me 2257?… I’m hurtin’, I’m hurtin.

So IVD hits JKP with a ceast and desist order not to sell any more product. Guess what? JKP is still selling product. Brrrrrrrrda-boom.

Thank you ladies and germs, thank you.