Porn Valley- Most Las Vegas tales are told from an empty bottle. On his KSEX show, www.ksexradio.com Monday night Wankus sounded like he was at a carnival knocking em down with a volleyball. Wankus was doing a recap of the AEE show- or a vague attempt at one, such as he could remember- but he seemed to recall his losing the KSEX credit card along the way. Co-host Rebecca Love also seemed to recall Lisa Sparxxx also losing her cell phone.
"Everybody was losing things," Love said.
But first, Wankus went through a glossary of self-examination stories beginning with what it was like smelling his own farts and then drifting into a story about rubbing his fingers through the side crack of his scrotum and leg.
"I've put it to my nose," he said. "Not bad." Wankus then brought up the night's winning phrase, "What happens in Vegas stays on KSEX." Love was hoping that wasn't the literal case.
"We tell all here!" said Wankus. Wankus then apologized to Love for not getting together with her as much in Vegas. According to Love, the one time she saw Wankus he was morphed into a couch. Wankus agreed that he was fucked up royally and invited the person who had the KSEX credit card to stop using it immediately. He assured KSEX management that the charges on the brand new stereo system were not his.
Aside from the Vegas gossip, Wankus announced there would be some big news about KSEX coming down the pike in the next few weeks. But he wouldn't say what it was.
"The biggest in the history of KSEX, coming up," was all of Wankus' teaser. As far as Vegas went, Wankus noted that the Internext convention pretty much sucked. Beyond that, KSEX, Team Tyler and Black Widow Productions shared a booth at the AEE. Someone in the chatroom asked what happened to the live shows that KSEX usually broadcasts every hour at the top of the hour from AEE. Wankus explained that some things fell through at the last minute and that the interviews were taped and would be played during the week on KSEX. One of them was played Monday night featuring Tim Case and Felicia Fox.
Wankus also noted that there was a tranny booth two booths away from KSEX's.
"They were wearing pasties while they were walking around the convention center," he said. "I'm thinking to myself why are you wearing pasties? You're a guy. You've got implants but you still have a cock. If somebody says, hey, man- you're going to jail, you're a chick going topless, just pull out your fuckin' cock." According to Wankus, trannies, by virtue of being a guy, could walk around topless.
"What bathrooms do they use? They probably go into the girls' room, right?" Wankus said if Tyler Faith had been in the girls' room at that moment it would have gotten ugly. Wankus also mentioned that a lot of the KSEX personalities came by the booth to sign autographs and took a shot at Love in the process for not being there. Love explained that she was in another area of the building where she was signing and couldn't move from where she was.
As he was going through some of the pictures taken at AEE, http://fans.ksexradio.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4044 Wankus was hard pressed to come up with Tony Sexton's name at first but noted that the Aussie Impaler was the one who got beat up by Brian at Porn Star Karaoke. Wankus said Sexton was also at the show politicking to be hired by Team Tyler.
"Yeah, we'll hire you as soon as we start doing a gay series, you fuck," Wankus commented, dryly, noting that most of the pictures came out pretty good considering the condition he was in. A lot of KSEX fans also came to the booth to say hello.
"There was a lot of funny stories and drama," said Wankus alluding to the Jack Lawrence story where Lawrence was slapped with handcuffs by hotel security during a skirmish at the Dane booth. Lawrence went into detail about the incident earlier in the evening on the KSEX show hosted by Daphne Rosen and his wife, Annie Cruz.
"And Kurt Lockwood got into all kinds of bullshit all weekend," Wankus added, suggesting they should call Mike South about one episode.
"The last one I heard about is that Kurt Lockwood purposely spilled a drink on Mike South at the big awards show. He was trying to play it off, oh, I'm sorry Mike. But he did it on purpose. Mike just got up with a drink and drenched him in the fucking shit. You would think that would be fighting material and go to blows but Kurt walked away."
Wankus then laughed about keeping some dirt to himself from the show.
According to him, he and Faith stayed in their room most of the time they were in Vegas.
"We did the show by day and by night we'd pass out in the room." Asked why every year he'd be out partying and this one, hibernating, Wankus explained to people that in years past he was trying to get laid.
"I don't need to do that any more- I got a fuckin' hot bitch at home that I can fuck any time I want. I don't have to spend all that money on booze and bullshit." Plus invest four hours of his time, he said, to convince "some bitch" he's worth fucking despite a small dick.
On the last night in Vegas, there was a concerted effort among the Wankus posse to make up for some of the duller moments of the trade show. Wankus said Faith by this time had already done about 17 shots of Jager.
"I'm not exaggerating- then she went out and did shot after shot after shot, which is probably why I lost the credit card," he laughed. "I was trying to keep up with her and was doing Jack & Coke with kamikaze shots to try to stay up with her.
"Supposedly I met up with a bunch of people that keep calling me to tell me how much of a great time they had," Wankus went on to say. "Frankly, I don't remember them being there."
Wankus also bumped into Jules Jordan.
"Everybody knows that me and Jules have this weird tension between us when we don't really know each other," he said. "Supposedly I said hi and everything- don't remember that." Love said Wankus wasn't the only one fucked up, that on one occasion, there were four porn stars trying to get a wedge of lime into a beer bottle. Wankus said it must have been a trick lime or something.
Because Love had a VIP hook-up at one of the clubs, Wankus and the whole KSEX gang wound up going there.
"We were sitting in the foo-foo section."
Wankus was too far gone to remember much of what happened by that time including whether he balked about the notion of chipping in to pay for things. Love said all of that was covered, however.
"If I had the KSEX credit card I would have offered all night but I lost it!" Wankus roared. Love noted that with this club they bring out ice in buckets so you can scoop the ice out and pour your own drinks.
"And they have a couple of bottles and you pour your own- very VIP, foo-foo," she said. Love also reported that Wankus was putting his cigarette ashes into the ice bucket and remembered telling him about it.
"And we all stopped and looked at you." Besides that, she said, Wankus was also putting out his cigarettes on the floor.
"These things happen," he replied. "It' burn-proof. You think I'm the only asshole that did that? Come on." In his state, Wankus figured he was thinking to himself, here I am with a nice piece of ash. Wankus also mentioned that he had a nice conversation with Mary Carey and that she'll probably be on the show very soon.
"She really lost a lot of weight," he said. "I don't think it's the speed-diet. I think she got some serious surgery, to be honest with you, because her face is so tight. She could probably be a buoy in the ocean. She said she wants to come on. She said she doesn't want all the food we offered. She just wants a Taco Bell Nacho Supreme because she really likes that."
For her part, Love said just write her a check to cover it.
"That's because you're a whore- you're used to that," Wankus told Love.
Love said she wasn't fucking for food and Wankus explained that she's used to asking for money in exchange for things.
"She [Carey] is used to asking for drugs or STD ointment for things," Wankus added, noting that it was probably good that Carey's grandmother passed away.
"This way we don't have to worry about wheeling her into a porn show while [Carey's] doing random things because that's very uncomfortable." Wankus explained that it was uncomfortable going to conventions and seeing Carey's grandmother being voluble but in bad shape.
"And Mary would be, hey, grandma, want to lick my tits? Very strange. A very odd situation."
On another note, Love said Lisa Sparxxx took her pants off at the foo-foo club they were at. "Everybody was dressed accept Lisa," said Love.
According to Wankus, when Sparxxx takes her top off it's amazing. "The flapjacks on her, holy shit- she's got some titty-bops."
Wankus also noted that Mari Possa, who's going to have a KSEX show very soon, became an Adam & Eve contract girl.
Otherwise Wankus stated, to be honest, that he hates going to the show every year but realizes the fans have a great time there.
"I hate it- me and Tyler went because we had to go," he said. "We don't want to be there and all that bullshit- meet a bunch of clammy- fuckin' handed fuckin' fat motherfuckin' clammy bunch of pieces of shit like yourself. Why the fuck would we want to do that with our time when we could be home playing with our dogs who are cuter and don't smell as bad?
"Why are we dancing around this fuckin' shit?" Wankus continued. "Half of you motherfuckers or 70% of you motherfuckers are scumbags pieces of shit, clammy, ugly fucks. Let's get right down to it- oh, there's a few of you that I really like. The rest of you, fuck yourselves!"
