Porn Valley - Wankus is going, you got to see this, dude, this is funny. Michelle Maylene and Lacie Heart [pictured] are sitting huddled up on a gas range with the burners lit. They're trying to keep warm on a damp, chilly March afternoon in Encino.
Wankus is cracking wise about Robert Lombard attempting to keep costs down on the Sinsations 3 shoot by turning off the heat in the Olsen Twins' former house. Which Lombard has nothing to do with, but I can see Lombard already running for his heart-smart or heart-starter pills with that remark in play.
Maylene keeps yelling out that she wants Nick Lambert, the show's producer, www.dusktilldawnentertainment.com to get her some marshmallows.
"Oh Nick...," Maylene, now laying on a couch, coos. "Oooooh, let me write a script with you, Nick. I think we could write a great script together." Lambert, not taking his eyes off his lap top, yells back, "Yeah, that would be great." Lambert's enthusiasm is positively overwhelming.
You'll remember this as the house where Cytherea shot her first anal scene, http://adultfyi.com/read.aspx?ID=13093 and I tell Lombard, yeah, I think you're sitting right about where she squirted. Lombard unconsciously checks the seat of his chair for a wet spot.
A scene has just been wrapped basically introducing Heart, a lovely Vivid contract girl, into the storyline. Heart's wearing a blue denim skirt that barely covers her ass, and Evan Stone, playing a director, leers at her on camera as a suck fish welcoming another guppie to the aquarium. I had asked Heart in an interview if being a Vivid girl is like being a Scientologist. Always politically correct, Lombard's going, you didn't really ask her that, did you?
Lombard, producer Lambert and writer Fozzi are having a story conference to determine where the next episode of Sinsations goes. This is like the gods of Olympus determining the fate of the characters in the movie Jason and the Argonauts. And there's talk about a movie opening orgy in the next installment.
I suggest to Lombard another possible way to go.
"See the movie Transporter?" I ask him. Lombard says, yeah. I tell him, have Ben English play this guy, karate kick the whole cast to smithereens and start off with a fresh one. I can see Lombard hastily scribbling notes. Yeah.
There's also mention of alcohol possibly playing a part in one of the scenes, and Lombard's face suddenly screws up.
"I'm not comfortable with alcohol-induced sex!" roars Lombard like a Seventh Day Adventist. Like where did this come from.
"That's where I draw the line," Lombard continues emphatically. "I want to keep drugs and alcohol out of this series!" So much for Fozzi's idea. Monique Parent joins the group, and Lombard compliments her on her sex scene from the day before.
"But you're not quite there at porno sex," Lombard kids her.
"I don't have to be," Parents shoots right back.
Parent, who's appeared as a villain on Walker, Texas Ranger, says if she ever got into that line of work, her porn name would be Cinnamon Shtick. Another suggestion is made about mixing food in with a sex scene. Lombard's wondering if people really do that in real life and Lombard is told anal and guacamole make wonderful compliments to one another. Parent cracks up. Parent tells me she was like the first girl who could play against Chuck Norris and not have to be consigned to a ditch to have him look taller. Chuck is 5'6", according to Monique.
Randy Spears also joins the group and we're talking about the story where Evan Seinfeld supposedly called Gary Miller at AVN last year trying to get all the Teravision girls on stage to present awards. When he was told, no, there was only room for Tera, Seinfeld supposedly went psycho then went off on Paul Fishbein.
"I think this was right after that home invasion," says Spears.
"You were with Tera for awhile," I say to Spears. Spears nods his head that, yeah, they lived at Avalon Apartments, briefly.
"They memorialized your apartment building with a crime scene tape," I tell Spears who's highly amused with this knowledge. Spears and I later have a great interview and Evan Stone's busting our chops about the fact that Spears is getting all this attention and that he only got a five-minute interview the last time.
"That's because Randy has something to say," I tell Stone who now goes relentlessly on attack. This is becoming funny shit going back and forth all afternoon. Michelle Maylene later attempts to pet Stone's husky. This doesn't go well and Evan explains to her why.
"Evan's dog scared the period out of me," laughs Maylene later in the re-telling. "I had to run upstairs and get a tampon!"
Stone says, yup, that happens for real some times.
